As a mum who had a traumatic birth – not once, but twice – I’m here to say something that might surprise you: I liked seeing Meghan Markle twerking during labour.
In fact, I think it is a good reminder that giving birth can be a happy occasion, even when that’s not your own experience.
For those who haven’t seen it, Meghan posted a throwback video to Instagram earlier this week of her and Prince Harry dancing to Starrkeisha’s song, Baby Mama.
It was four years ago when she was heavily pregnant with Lilibet and the couple were hoping to induce labour after she was a ‘week past’ her due date.
Clearly having fun together, the couple shuffled, twerked, and lip synced next to a hospital bed. And I couldn’t help but smile when I watched it.
Predictably, though, the internet doesn’t agree. The video has sparked outrage because… well, let’s face it, it’s her.
If it were a reality TV star or a much-loved actress, the narrative would be completely different – they would be praised for it. Still, because it’s Meghan Markle, it’s ‘vulgar and vile’, as one royal fan described, and she’s been accused of attention-seeking, being inappropriate, and contradicting her and Harry’s own narrative about the need for privacy.
But privacy doesn’t mean silence or completely disappearing, and it doesn’t mean forfeiting the right to share personal moments on their own terms. Meghan and Harry are damned if they do and damned if they don’t, it seems.
However, for me, even though this video is admittedly a bit cringey, it shows something powerful: Joy. A woman, supported by her partner, using music and laughter to cope with what is arguably one of the most intense moments of their life.
My own labours were anything but joyful. The first happened eight weeks early and was filled with fear, intense worry, and guilt.
Guilt that I had failed at the first stage of motherhood. Guilt that I had done something wrong, and guilt that, still, 12 years later, hasn’t left me.
In those fraught hours, there was no laughter and certainly no dancing. I wanted to keep my baby in, not encourage her out.
Second time around, it was much worse, not just the guilt of once more giving birth early – this time just four weeks – but because the labour was so long and difficult.
The emergency button was pressed when my son’s heart rate dropped dangerously low – the cord wrapped around his neck, and the small room was flooded with doctors, midwives, and an anaesthetist.
The outcome? He arrived in a panic with a collapsed lung and sepsis and was whisked off for an 11-day stay in special care.
I was left extremely sore, extremely traumatised and – I believe because of hospital negligence – spent the first six weeks of his life fighting for my own. That’s because I contracted sepsis, spent time in ICU, and then nearly bled to death.
Both experiences left me physically and emotionally very shaken, and have taken me a long time to recover. Although I don’t think I will ever fully get over what happened.
Maybe that’s why Meghan Markle’s video struck a chord – in the best possible way. Because instead of feeling jealous or enraged by it, it has reminded me of what birth can be.
While some of us carry scars, others will have memories of dancing and laughter, partners testing out the gas and air, or watching football and falling asleep. But crucially, both experiences are valid.
Even though I didn’t get the same happy experience, I still feel uplifted watching hers. It gives me hope that women can walk away from birth with a positive outlook and feel safe enough to share it without fear of being torn down.
When we only share the traumatic stories, we risk terrifying women before they’ve even begun. It is something that I am very conscious of not doing when speaking with anyone pregnant.
But equally, it can be hard to only hear about the positive ones when you have gone through a nightmare birth, as those feelings of failure can intensify. There is a balance that needs to be struck, that it feels we seldom get.
We need to hear about the births that have left life-long scars and the ones that left women feeling like it was the best experience they have ever had.
Of course, not everyone can – or will – have a labour like Meghan’s, and we must continue to talk openly about trauma, complications and fear. I certainly do.
But I think it’s important that we also make space for the positive. For the women who came out smiling and (literally) danced their way through.
All conversations are a good reminder that birth – like motherhood – is messy, emotional, unpredictable, and deeply individual.
Meghan is no less of a woman or a mother because she twerked her way through labour, and neither am I because I didn’t.
Instead of judging her, maybe we should be celebrating a moment of positivity around birth and a woman who is reclaiming her narrative, publicly and unapologetically.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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