Christmas is always filled with music, with festive favourites returning year on year and new artists vying for their chance to make their mark.
New tracks rarely make a dent in the cultural consciousness – unless you’re Leona Lewis with One More Sleep, although that is now over a decade old.
But that doesn’t stop stars from trying to break into the coveted Christmas charts with new offerings each Yuletide.
This year, a surprise entry from Denise Welch, titled Slayyy Bells (in collaboration with Celebrations), is competing with Kylie Minogue’s upbeat XMAS.
Unfortunately, this effort to make a memorable festive tune can result in some less-than-catchy numbers.
These 10 songs, all released this decade, have a reputation for being really bad — so, we listened to them so you don’t have to.
Merry Christmas – Sir Elton John and Ed Sheeran
You’ve got your obligatory bells, your list of various Christmas cliches, and Sir Elton on the piano – it’s the perfect festive formula.
But unfortunately, even Ed’s vague attempt at a seductive dance dressed as (we think) sexy Santa can’t make this track shine.
It’s just all very forgettable, blending into every other festive single you’ve ever heard. In Ed’s own words, ‘it’s time to let it go’.
It’s not that this is a bad song; it’s just that with Sir Elton John and Ed Sheeran teaming up, you’d expect something far better.
Christmas isn’t Christmas – Bon Jovi
Despite Bon Jovi having some legendary songs, this loses points for being really dreary, even if Jon sounds great.
After a middling two minutes of explaining how everyone’s feeling festive but he just can’t get into the Christmas spirit ‘without you’, Jon Bon Jovi reaches the bridge of the track.
‘Tomorrow won’t be yesterday/Tomorrow just can’t be like yesterday’ sings the rocker, before adding ‘yeah yeah’ for good measure.
It’s repetitive, and we can see why it hasn’t made its mark on the festive charts.
Kiss Me It’s Christmas – Leona Lewis and Ne-Yo
Despite already having a modern classic hit under her belt, in 2021, Leona Lewis rereleased her Christmas album featuring two new tracks – including Kiss Me It’s Christmas.
She brought Ne-Yo along for the sleigh ride, and we can see why, as their voices do work well together. We’d love another duet from the talented pair.
However, this number (and the slightly too much PDA music video) ends up a little too saccharine to be on anybody’s playlists.
The pair complain about how they didn’t spend much time together because it was Christmas and their family was in the way, embodying the most codependent couple you know.
It’s not awful, but we’d much rather be listening to One More Sleep.
Kid At Christmas – Calum Scott and Christina Perri
‘I thought the Christmas number one was only a plot in Love Actually,’ Christina Perri confessed to Metro (and Calum Scott) when they dropped this in 2024.
That didn’t bode well for a breakaway hit, and unfortunately for the duo, Kid at Christmas really failed to capture our hearts.
Despite the title suggesting something playful, this ballad just winds up being a bit depressing as the pair reminds us how we’re all ageing.
Good intentions but an utterly forgettable tune that somehow makes the magic of waking up on Christmas morning feel bittersweet.
December 25 – Charlie Puth
People declared Charlie Puth ‘should not be a bigger artist’ if he’s going to drop depressing songs like this about being alone on Christmas.
Released last Christmas, not even the Wham! sample can save this melancholy number about being dumped on December 25.
On sing-a-long-ability, this scores very low as he’s decided to sing the whole chorus in a key usually reserved for Mariah Carey – not conducive to karaoke.
Santa didn’t bring him ‘nothing but pain’ so he’s staying inside, ‘spending Christmas alone’ and if you ask us, it’s probably for the best.
I’ll Be Home For Christmas – Camila Cabello
We can’t tell if this is awful or iconic, but who could forget Camila Cabello’s rendition of I’ll Be Home For Christmas.
Or should that be quizmois? Her mispronunciation of the festive season brings so much joy as it distracts from the rest of the song.
She also sings ‘peasants’ instead of ‘presents’ in one live performance, truly a gift that keeps on giving.
To be fair to Camila, vocally, she doesn’t do a bad job of the Bing Crosby classic and it does bring a smile to our faces, so Merry Chris Moyles, we guess.
How Christmas Is Supposed To Be – Gary Barlow and Sheridan Smith
Fairytale of New York remains one of the most beloved Christmas songs, so I can see why Gary Barlow attempted to make his own version.
Gary and Sheridan Smith open with an uncomfortable back and forth, singing: ‘I’ve given all I’ve got/ You’ve given me nothing’
At one point, the Take That star confesses, ‘Every day I wonder/ If I’m wasting my time here.’ Yikes.
The very catchy chorus might feel familiar to anyone whose parents are on the brink of divorce as they harmonies: ‘The way we scream and shout/ Forever falling out/ Too much wrong, too little right’.
Unfortunately, the pair go a little too harsh on the marital breakdown, with none of the charm of Shane MacGowan and Kirsty McColl, despite their vocal capabilities.
I Believe in Santa – Meghan Trainor
Yes, this music video features JoJo Siwa in her full 2020 glitter and sequin-coated glory. She’s dancing and lip-syncing to Meghan Trainor’s vocals, and it’s … a lot.
If the presence of JoJo tells you anything, it’s that this is not a dreary ballad entry, but somehow it’s something worse.
The intro is a promising Hans Zimmer-inspired cinematic moment before breaking into her usual pop beat that runs beneath most of her songs.
Meghan’s track, of course, features her seemingly inescapable lyrics about her weight as she insists she believes in Santa. That’s it, that’s the whole song, just repetition that Santa is real.
It’s a good Meghan Trainor Christmas song if that’s you’re a really big fan of Meghan Trainor.
This Christmas – Katie Price
Oh, Katie Price. There’s just a lot of noise happening here.
Her fans will likely declare it’s camp, and yes, it probably is, but it’s also incredibly bad.
At one point, her heavily autotuned vocals can be heard singing ‘family celebration’. It does not sound like ‘family’.
Katie definitely gives it a good go, and that might be the real spirit of Christmas.
LadBaby
A sausage roll reimagining of an iconic song was a controversial concept to begin with, and then it went on for five consecutive years.
The first two came out in 2018 and 2019, but that still leaves three singles in this decade: Don’t Stop Me Eatin, Sausage Rolls For Everyone (once again orchestrated by our old friends Ed and Sir Elton), and Food Aid.
These food-themed jingles even toppled a record held by the Beatles for most Christmas number ones, which is a travesty.
We don’treallyblame the queen of Christmas, Mariah Carey, for turning down the opportunity to work on a track with them.
We know it was for charity, but these were an insult to our ears. LadBaby, if you’re reading this, please, never again.
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