Noel Edmonds tears up reflecting on ‘dark space’ when he attempted suicide

Noel Edmonds has reflected on ‘dark times’ from his past in his return to TV.

The former Deal or No Deal host is back with Kiwi Adventure, which follows his life in New Zealand with wife Liz as they run a hospitality business in the rural town of Ngatimoti.

Noel, 76, and Liz, whom we married in 2009, decided to make the move in 2015 before going ahead in 2019, having previously said the ‘incredible spiritual pull’ he felt when visiting the country made him want to settle there.

Now, the couple owns an 800-acre estate called River Haven, boasting a vineyard, restaurant, wellness centre, and a pub named The Bugger Inn.

In the first episode of his comeback, Noel, who was last seen on telly when he was voted off I’m A Celebrity in 2018, became emotional as he looked back on his tougher moments and feeling suicidal.

At one point, he visited a sculpture named Guardian, which was described by narrator Rob Brydon as ‘a permanent reminder of a difficult period in his life’.

‘In 2005, at the height of his fame, Noel’s production company unexpectedly went bankrupt, hugely affecting his mental health,’ Rob explained to viewers.

Cutting back to Noel, the former House Party presenter pointed to a plinth: ‘There’s a description of my story here, for guests to understand why I had Guardian created.’

‘My Unique group of companies was deliberately collapsed by some corrupt bankers,’ he recalled.

‘And I’m safe in saying that because my bank manager went to prison, along with four others, for 50 years.

‘What they were doing was pushing businesses over the edge and then taking assets—that’s basically what it was about.

‘When the companies went into administration in 2006, I thought I was a crap businessman. I thought it was my fault. 70 people lost their jobs.’

Noel then shared: ‘And I said to Liz, who was a fantastic support, “When,” not if, “When I win my battle to get my losses back, I’m gonna get the great Weta Studios, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, the real creative powerhouses here in New Zealand, I’m gonna ask them to build me a statue”.’

Indeed, that’s when Guardian was made, with Liz designing the shield the statue holds to represent his legal ‘fight’.

Beside the statue of a crouching man with his head bowed is an inscription, which Noel says is what encouraged him to build it in the first place.

‘It was that inscription that held me together and motivated me during some very dark times,’ he admitted, with the plaque reading: ‘The devil saw me with my head down and thought he’d won until I said Amen.’

‘The relevance of that is the knight is not kneeling in defeat; he’s praying,’ revealed Noel.

He then became choked up as he explained just how hard the legal battle hit his mental health: ‘He’s praying before he gets up and defeats the dark force, the enemy.

‘I’ll tell you, when you go to that dark space… I used to, like many people, kind of look down my nose and think, why would anybody want to take their own life? Why would they want to do that?

‘I’ll tell you, if you’ve ever been in that dark space, you’ll never be critical, because it’s a space where there is no reason.’

Noel concluded by sharing that the Guardian statue is there for those who feel ‘weak,’ ‘disenfranchised,’ ‘marginalised,’ and ‘let down’ by society.

‘He has not given up. You can feel it.’

Grabbing onto the sword, he tearfully said: ‘Thanks, mate. Thank you.’

This isn’t the first time Noel has spoken candidly about his suicidal thoughts.

In June 2017, he shared that he had attempted to take his life in 2005 after the fraud by a group of HBOS financiers destroyed his businesses.

At the time, he wished to ‘end the overwhelming mental pain that had consumed [his] whole being’.

‘Until these criminals took me to the brink of emotional annihilation, I had always felt those who opt out by taking their own lives were selfish and cowardly… But having been cast into that bottomless dark space devoid of logic and reason, I have a much deeper understanding of life without hope…’, he said.

Noel also stated then that he ‘sought no sympathy’ and ‘felt no shame’ in making the confession.

Ultimately, Noel received an apology from Lloyds Banking Group, which agreed a compensation deal with him following the fraud case.

While details of the agreement were not made public, it was reported by the Daily Mail that he received around £5million.

Lloyds acknowledged causing Noel ‘distress’ after corrupt staff from the Reading branch were handed jail sentences for the £245m loans scam between 2003 and 2007.

Several businesses were destroyed as profits were squandered on prostitutes and luxury holidays.

Watch Noel Edmonds’ Kiwi Adventure on ITV.