My boyfriend wants to split bills 50/50 — I think he’s being tight-fisted

Money troubles breed resentment in a relationship – especially when one partner thinks they’re getting a raw deal.

Chloe, a 27-year-old from London, is on the business end of this imbalance, struggling to work out the best way to split bills with her boyfriend who makes more money than she does.

While she thinks it should be based on their incomes, he believes it’s only right to go right down the middle. So who’s right?

In this week’s Metro’s Money Problem, personal finance journalist and consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, offers her perspective.

The problem…

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and we rarely ever fight, but are currently at an aggravating stalemate about money.

Although he makes £60,000 a year and I make £39,000, we both put the same amount towards rent (£900 each a month) and bills (normally around £300 each a month) which I think is unfair.

That £1,200 eats into my disposable income way more than it does for him, so by the time I’ve paid for travel and food and everything else, there’s so little wiggle room to save.

I suggested splitting things proportionally based on our incomes – 40/60 instead of 50/50 – but he dismissed it outright, saying he’s not rich either so why should he ‘help me out’. He’s not normally tight-fisted or mean with money, and it’s making me question whether I’m being greedy. I need a voice of reason to tell me the truth.

The advice…

Dear Chloe,

As someone who lived in London for almost 20 years, I really, really feel your pain.

Your question gets to the very heart of the financial nightmare facing your generation – both you and your boyfriend are on seriously decent salaries, but after paying your rent, living and travel costs there’s essentially nothing left at the end of the month to save.

Make no mistake, we’re building a very serious social timebomb here. Those in their 20s and 30s today will have been unable to put away enough to fund their retirements. To make matters harder, it’s likely they won’t own their own place outright so they’ll still need to fork out rent or mortgage repayments each month on top.

The full state pension is currently just shy of £12,000 a year. Try paying your current rent and bills on that.

What this shows is just how vital it is that you and your peers do start saving as much money as possible as early as possible. That you have recognised this in your 20s does you credit.

Now, to your personal conundrum – should your boyfriend pay more towards rent and bills than you because he earns more?

Your logic says yes: in theory, it would mean you can both save the same proportion of your income towards a house deposit if you want to buy together or for your retirement.

His logic argues no: it’s his salary and even though it might be more than yours, it’s not like he’s got bucketloads left over at the end of the month either.

So let’s look at the maths. His take home pay is around £3,700 a month. Yours is around £2,650.

After rent and bills, he’s left with £2,500 and you’ve got £1,450. Typical London commuting travel costs come in around £315 a month each and food might be around £250 each. This leaves him with around £1,935 a month to spend or save and you with £885.

You’ll both also have to cover other expenses such as eating out and socialising, presents for family, other travel costs, clothes, electricals and more, which can really add up.

I can see why you’re frustrated. But you’re thinking about the fact he has more spare cash and could afford to pay more of the rent and bills. He’s thinking about the fact that you and he both live in the same flat, use the same lights in the same rooms, cook dinner together on the same hob, both shower and wash up.

You and he use the flat 50/50 and that’s why you split the cost of it 50/50.

Think of it like you’re out for dinner: your boyfriend orders steak and red wine while you have a side salad and tap water, yet he demands you split the bill 50/50 – fair? No.

Relationships and money are really complicated and someone normally ends up worse off. That’s just the way it is. Managing it means compromising, and that’s something only you and he can agree on.

To help you, maybe have a think about things like this.

It’s unlikely that you and he will want to make a decision about splitting the rent based on ‘what if we get married, have kids or divorce years from now’. But you can and probably should have a conversation about what you want to save for.

• If it’s something you both want to do together for both of your benefits – such as buying a house together – maybe agreeing to save the same amount each month might boost what you’re putting away.
• If it’s general saving for yourself, I’m afraid it’s probably not your boyfriend’s responsibility to support your living expenses so you can build up a nest egg for a future that might not include him.

In summary – I think your boyfriend’s right on this one.

If you want to save more (which I applaud) then you have few options: get a better paying job, move somewhere less expensive, or cut back on your other spending.

It’s not fair. But nor is life.

Sarah Davidson is an award-winning financial editor and head of research at WPB.

Got a money worry or dilemma? Email sarah.davidson@metro.co.uk