Going into the new year, you’ll likely have set yourself several resolutions – everything from going to bed earlier to starting a new hobby.
But if one of your goals for 2026 is to strengthen your marriage, then you’re in luck, as an expert has shared his top tips for doing just this.
And according to him, there’s one small change you can start making right now that has the potential to make a massive difference over the next 12 months and beyond.
Even if this wasn’t on your list, you might want to keep on reading, as we could all benefit from putting in a little extra work for the people we love.
Jonathan Eddie, a counsellor and psychotherapist who specialises in couples therapy, tells Metro that the main thing we should all be working on in order to be a better partner is our own self-awareness.
Getting to know yourself better and figuring out what triggers you, where certain issues stem from and what you can do to reduce the impact could make you less likely to be reactive with your partner and reduce resentment
He explains: ‘Those things that affect us on a deeply emotional level are not necessarily true; they’re beliefs we’ve unconsciously constructed about ourselves based on the messages that we received during our most formative years.’
Jonathan goes on to reference the concept of Core Beliefs from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This is the idea that we have certain beliefs about ourselves that we have (wrongly or rightly) held since childhood.
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A negative example of this might be the belief that you are ‘not good enough’. According to the core belief theory, you would constantly be looking for opportunities to reaffirm this belief, even if it’s uncomfortable, and it’s very easy for these beliefs to be triggered in relationships.
‘Let’s stick with the example of not-good-enough: when our partner says, “Did you forget to pick up milk on the way home,” the person who carries around that sense of not-good-enough might feel judged or criticised, and might respond with resentment or anger, for example,’ Jonathan says.
‘One who does not have that sense of not-good-enough, however, might react in a more passive way with something along the lines of, “Oh, I forgot; sorry,” before getting on with their life.’
He adds: ‘With greater awareness of what our core beliefs are, we can challenge them when they come up.
‘That sense of unease in the pit of our stomach in reaction to our partner’s words can be seen as a warning flag for us to look within, and give ourselves what we need, rather than preparation for fight or flight.’
So, how do you gain better self-awareness?
The obvious answer is through therapy – either individually or couples, but if you’re not ready for that, Jonathan claims there’s a wealth of free knowledge on the internet and in books.
Simple steps you can take include completing a Love Languages test with your partner, which will highlight how you are different and have different needs. One of you might need more quality time than the other, or perhaps you require more acts of service. Either way, it will hopefully open up really positive discussions for you both.
Those wanting to go deeper can look into their Attachment Style, which refers to the way our childhood caregivers interacted with us and how it subsequently shaped the way we behave in relationships as adults.
There are four main types, and while some people form secure attachments, others can be insecure in their relationships.
‘It’s more common than not that I work with couples who each have different insecure attachment styles, which is no problem when times are good, but pulls them in different directions in times of stress.
‘Knowledge is power here. You can take an attachment style test and learn about what you and your partner might need to feel soothed when triggered.’
He adds: ‘You can read expert books too, there’s great stuff out there from the Gottmans and from Esther Perel, as well as others.
‘The bottom line is, a better you is better able to cope with the stresses that all relationships must face, and a better you makes for a better partner.’
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