My relationship got me into £18,000 worth of debt — then we broke up 

When 25-year-old Jacob Battersby met his girlfriend, he was determined to impress, splurging on flashy watches, expensive cars, and lavish holidays.

‘I’ve been in three main relationships in my life and after every single one, I’ve always been in debt,’ Jacob, a content creator from Manchester, tells Metro.

Growing up, he says that money was tight. ‘Every transaction was recorded,‘ he explains. ‘We didn’t go on mad holidays abroad. It was very, very rigid.‘

So when he had access to his own cash, he began splashing out — and it got worse when in a relationship.

Aged 17, he met his first girlfriend, and was earning around £15,000 a year as an Amazon review. His relationship ended after six months, by which time he’d accrued £2,000 in debt — a dizzying sum for a teen.

‘I thought I had to spend money on expensive gifts that I couldn’t afford,‘ he explains. ‘I bought her an Apple Watch, hid it in a pair of YEEZYs, and gave it to her for our first Christmas together. It cost more than £1,000.’

His spending wasn’t exclusively focused on his romantic partners though. ‘When I went to university, the first day I got my student card, I maxed out the overdraft and bought a dog,’ he says.

‘I was giddy [with the] access to money, and no one could see what I was buying.’

Jacob also had a penchant for cars, particularly those featured in film and TV. He’s previously owned replicas of Simon’s car from the Inbetweeners, and Lightning McQueen from Disney’s Cars. He also owned a small sailing boat.

His £2,000 worth of debt after his first break-up only increased when he met a new partner. This time, to the tune of £8,000.

‘During my second relationship, I paid £2,000 for a trip to Iceland for her birthday. I was probably earning around £18,000 a year as a bartender.‘

Jacob says his partners loved his extravagant tastes and generous spending, assuming he was able to afford it. And he was never open about his finances with them, citing the pressure society puts on guys to provide.

‘I wanted to earn more money than girls my age,‘ he says. ‘I would always work the extra and get 60 hours done. I think many guys did.‘

While in relationships, he couldn’t clearly reflect on his spending, so it was only when things broke down that he took a chance to ‘reset.‘

After his second break-up, he moved back in with his parents to pay off his £8,000 bill. He recognises how ‘fortunate’ he was to have the option, but it prompted the overwhelming realisation that he was ‘in trouble.’ 

Coming clean to his dad prompted an argument, as Jacob admits the pair are financial polar opposites, saying his dad ‘hates everything I ever do with money.‘

‘He’s always kept receipts for every penny he’s ever spent and spreadsheets for his finances,‘ says Jacob. ‘I understand why now, because my parents have a lovely house and they’ve got money for the rest of their lives.’

But it wasn’t enough for Jacob’s spending habits to change. His most recent relationship ended in May, at which point a hard reality hit him. In his words he is ‘25, single and with more than £18,000 of credit card debt and not a lot to show for it.‘

Now, he’s faced with the reality of paying it back. It’s a daunting task which he says has made him feel ‘low’ especially as he’s ‘spent the last 12 months living like a superstar, going on holidays, and driving every car.’ 

He’s now had to ‘strip everything back to the bare minimum’. ‘I’ve come to live a quiet life, which I’m not used to,’ he reflects. 

Now though, Jacob is doing his best to talk about his experiences online, hoping that others, particularly young guys, will learn from his mistakes. He also believes that there should be more education in schools on finances. 

When it comes to future relationships, he’s more financially stable now. Working for himself as a content creator, he earns around £80,000, but does worry he’ll ‘fall for the same trap’ of overspending again.

And he still can’t quite shake those gender norms he bought into as a youngster, telling women: ‘If you want a lifestyle where you don’t have to work, don’t settle for anyone who isn’t going to be able to pay for that.’ He also warns men: ‘If you get into a relationship, you’re probably going to end up in debt.’

But, Jacob adds: ‘There’s always the argument that if you’re going into debt for someone, you probably shouldn’t be with them in the first place.’ 

Why are men still feeling the need to provide financially in 2025?

A 2021 YouGov survey found that 52% of the almost 6,000 adults polled didn’t believe it was old-fashioned for a man to pay for a first date, with 49% of men specifically agreed as such (compared to 55% of women), while only a third (33%) said this was a completely outdated view.

Psychologist Emma Kenny says the ‘male-provider’ role is ‘etched into the psyche of so many young men.’

She tells Metro: ‘From childhood, boys are rewarded for displays of competence, self‑reliance and financial savvy, while girls are encouraged to nurture relationships. Those early messages may look subtle — a dad joking that his son will need a “good job to look after his future wife,” or a mum praising her little boy for “paying” at a toy till. They become part of a man’s internal operating system.

‘By the time he is dating in his twenties, money and masculinity are fused so tightly that picking up the bill doesn’t feel like a romantic gesture; it feels like proof he’s worthy of love.’

Coupled with this is the economic climate many young men grew up in: watching their parents shoulder the 2008 crash, then spending their own formative years in a cost‑of‑living crisis and a dizzying rental market.

‘Financial security became a scarce commodity, and scarcity heightens the symbolic power of anything that signals stability. For some young men, flashing cash, even borrowed cash, feels like a fast track to the adult identity they crave but can’t yet afford,’ says Emma.

Social media only adds fuel to the fire. ‘Platforms reward curated snapshots of luxury: the surprise city‑break proposal, the Michelin‑star date night, the “boyfriend reveal” in front of a five‑star resort,’ says Emma.’Algorithms don’t show the repayment schedules; they show the champagne.’

Emma also adds that traditional masculinity involves an ’emotional illiteracy’.

‘Many men were never taught to articulate care through words or vulnerability; instead, they default to tangible acts, paying, gifting, upgrading,’ she says.

As with so many issues, communication is key to overcome this pressure.

‘When men are invited to talk openly about money, whether in friendship groups, therapy, or online forums, they begin to see that a healthy relationship is a co‑production, not a solo performance,’ Emma says.

‘Partners can help by reframing generosity: praising thoughtfulness, effort and emotional availability. And the next time a young man reaches for his credit card out of reflex, pausing to ask: “Would I still feel valued here if I split the bill?”.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.