I had sex with a man I loathed – and it was incredible

My annoyance returned in full force the moment our sex was over.

Staring at Jacob’s* sweaty back, I couldn’t help but chastise myself despite the great shag I just had.

I’d told myself that we wouldn’t sleep together again and yet here I was – naked and irritated in his bed with my hair in disarray from a good seeing to. I wasn’t even surprised that he had rolled over the second we were done.

As far as compatible personalities go, Jacob and I were a very bad match.

The banter was there, but we disagreed on almost everything. If I said the sky was blue, he would say it was green for the sake of it.

It’s not that he was a bad guy per se – but he had a very dismissive tone, a sort of superior air to everything he said.

This particular evening, I’d seen him at a party and he’d been especially irksome. He made some snide comments and it almost seemed as if he was trying to bait me on purpose.

But while Jacob wasn’t my type personality-wise, he definitely ticked the boxes physically – there was no denying that he was a handsome man.

Sexually speaking, I knew without a doubt that he fancied me but I’m not sure if he enjoyed my strong-willed mind.

There’s a fine line between love and hate, and I think we were somewhere in the middle. We transformed that fiery feeling of wanting to win a debate into wanting to be better than the other in bed, which meant we both gave it our all.

And the result was an explosive shag.

This fling with Jacob happened a long time ago – and it’s safe to say that I’ve slept with a lot more assholes since. It feels like something I should have learned from, but I’ve always enjoyed a good back-and-forth and I find intelligence to be a huge turn-on, even if it shows up as arrogance.

For me, a war of words can be a great form of foreplay because it gets my blood boiling.

It’s a controversial opinion but I actually think there’s a great benefit in sleeping with ‘Mr Wrong’ every now and then – with a few exceptions, of course.

There was Logan*, who enters near the top of my list of men I disliked but still slept with.

He was a classic lothario – sexy, successful and obnoxiously charming but it all seemed to come with a catch.

While I admired his passion for his work, he was so crass about the amount of money he earned.

He liked giving back-handed compliments, telling me ‘I was great in bed from all that experience’ with a smirk on his face as he said it.

Logan also knew he was hot but he wasn’t exactly humble about it.

It wasn’t enough to put me off seeing him casually though; we both knew that it wouldn’t end up anywhere serious. 

We had some great times together. I remember one particularly steamy night when we went back to my place after a few drinks and shagged standing up against my open window.

Logan was also incredibly open-minded; we tried things in bed I’d never done before – and for that adventure, I’m grateful.

But I grew tired of his behaviour outside of the bedroom. 

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when, in front of me, he implied to one of his friends that I was ‘up for anything’.

I don’t care how great the sex is, that kind of treatment is never OK. Whether your set-up is casual or not, no one should make you feel expendable or like an object.

Although things ended on a sour note, I don’t regret my time with Logan and I’ve had some really great experiences, too.

Take Frank*, for instance.

I didn’t exactly hate his company but he was definitely Mr Wrong – partly because he was a known ‘player’ and partly because he was so confident that he could get me into bed.

When he did, I was equally irritated and excited by it.

Dear god, the man had impressive skills.

He’d come over, we’d have a fantastic time together and then he’d leave.

I didn’t find it rude, because Frank never pretended to want anything more – and I didn’t either.

So, in the end, it was a win-win.

I’ve had many people ask me what the point is in this kind of relationship over the years – and I understand the question.

But I’m not saying that you should sleep with every person you loathe or dislike.

I just want you to open your mind up to the possibility that not every connection has to serve a purpose beyond pleasure.

The trick is to learn what your personal boundaries are. Through trial and error, I’ve realised what my fundamental requirements are from any lover.

They might be the same as yours, they might not.

But it’s absolutely OK to have sex just for the sake of sex – so long as you respect the other person in the room.

Opposites attract but they don’t always fall in love and have a fairytale ending.

Every now and then, they irritate the hell out of each other, have amazing sex and go their separate ways.

*Names have been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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