I’m a cancer counsellor — here are the first questions patients ask me after diagnosis – Bundlezy

I’m a cancer counsellor — here are the first questions patients ask me after diagnosis

Carolyn has helped countless people deal with their diagnosis (Picture: Supplied)

Nearly one in two people will get cancer in their lifetime, with someone in the UK being diagnosed every 90 seconds.

While everyone’s experiences will be unique, patients and their loved ones will naturally share a desire for information after hearing the news — and there’s a lot of overlap in terms of the questions it raises.

Carolyn Bartlett (MBACP), lead counsellor at Kidney Cancer UK, has helped countless people with the disease to navigate the emotions it triggers.

Here, she shares the things she’s asked most often by patients post-diagnosis, along with the advice she gives in response.

So whether you or a loved one are among the 3.5 million people currently living with cancer, or it touches your life further down the line, you’ll feel less in the dark about what comes next.

Why am I feeling so overwhelmed?

No matter how level-headed and pragmatic you are, finding out you have cancer can instantly knock you for six.

‘Common feelings post-diagnosis can include denial, anger, fear, worry, sadness and a sense of isolation,’ Carolyn tells Metro.

anxious black woman clutches hospital medical gown
Diagnosis can bring up some intense emotions (Picture: Getty Images)

Many patients she speaks to are overwhelmed by the complex and intense emotions brought up. And although the instinctive response may be a stiff upper lip, Carolyn says ‘recognising and acknowledging’ what you’re going through.

She recommends asking yourself what your body is trying to tell you, what you need, and whether you can give yourself the space to feel it, all the while remembering ‘that thoughts are not truth or fact, they are just thoughts.’

Once you’ve explored your feelings, physical activities – from stretching and breathing exercises to a walk out in nature – can then be useful ‘to move away from automatic negative thinking and to reconnect with your body’.

How do I tell my children?

According to Carolyn, ‘there is no wrong or right way’ to tell your loved ones. However (especially when it comes to children) the idea of them being upset or stressed after finding out can lead people to avoid the topic altogether — which can simply prolong the anguish.

Carolyn says: ‘Sometimes it’s easier to come to terms with our own feelings before we can share them with others. And it’s okay to take your time.

‘These are not easy conversations to have, but being open and honest about your diagnosis, using age-appropriate terminology where necessary, can relieve stress and anxiety for all parties.’

In fact, the process of talking about it may help you come to terms with what you’re facing, and give those around you the opportunity to offer their support.

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How do I cope with going back to work?

Even if it feels like your life has been turned upside down, the world – and all the everyday responsibilities that come with it – keeps going.

Going back to work can be especially difficult, which Carolyn puts down to the ‘irrevocable shift in your self-concept’ cancer can cause.

As others move on, you’ll likely take longer to adjust back into those patterns, and ‘this can leave you feeling isolated and lonely with a sense of being left behind.’

When it comes to speaking to colleagues about your diagnosis, Carolyn asks patients to write down three different ways they’re comfortable telling their story, ensuring they’re prepared if the topic comes up.

‘It’s also helpful to speak to your manager about what feels comfortable in terms of hours, duties and being involved in meetings,’ she adds. ‘The more you can manage your expectations and those working around you the more confident you will feel.’

Female freelancer writing in diary at home
Write three responses down, so you’re prepared if the topic comes up at work (Picture: Getty Images)

What can I do about the constant anxiety?

Carolyn regularly hears from people who are (understandably) concerned about persistent anxiety alongside cancer. However, she highlights the importance of seeing it as a normal biological response to shock or trauma.

‘Our brains are wired to keep us safe, and uncertainty creates the sensation of being out of control,’ the counsellor explains. ‘Patients often find their anxiety increases around the time of diagnosis, waiting for surgery or treatment and into recovery. Anxieties about hospital visits, blood tests and scans create further worry — known amongst patients as “scanxiety”.’

In some cases, the physical manifestations of anxiety – such as a rapid heart rate, lightheadedness, headaches and stomach issues – can even be mistaken for cancer-related symptoms, which then leads to increased vigilance and worry.

Techniques like meditation, yoga or breathing exercises are useful for many, but Carolyn adds that ‘talking to a trained professional who understands what you might be experiencing can really help.’

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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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