On a cloudy day in East London, 12 strangers — who look nothing alike — have gathered because they all believe they bear a resemblance to one man: Danny Dyer.
Paul Mescal’s had one, Harry Styles had one, Timothée Chalamet even turned up to his — and now, inevitably, Danny Dyer has to have one too. The lookalike contest: a badge of honour for any heartthrob. Surely the greatest accolade — at least in theory.
Some of these 12 men have travelled from Liverpool, Portsmouth, and Southampton to a corner of Hoxton Square to claim the title of the UK’s best Danny Dyer — with varying levels of success.
There are football tops, full tracksuits, and Mick Carter’s signature trench coat and trainers. I didn’t realise Dyer had such aesthetic range, but I’ve been proved wrong by some of his most devoted fans.
Later tonight, Mr Dyer himself will be at Newington Green for the screening of Mr Bigstuff season 2 — the comedy for which he won his first BAFTA earlier this year. The prize for one of these Dyer wannabes? A chance to attend, meet the man himself, and hope he says: ‘Blimey, it’s like looking in the mirror.’
I arrive about 20 minutes before the contest is due to start when I spot either Danny Dyer or his alarmingly good doppelgänger across the green. It’s the latter.
Richard, from Norwich, is the only contestant around at this point — but surely, the prize is his for the taking.
‘I just came to see the experience. A friend told me about it,’ he tells Metro. ‘People first started telling me I looked like Danny Dyer about 20 years ago, after Football Factory, when I walked into a pub and everyone thought it was Danny.’
It doesn’t take long before he’s in good company. A surprisingly large crowd swarms around a stage featuring a grotty armchair and a cardboard cut-out of Dyer. I start spotting clear contenders — like a real-life Where’s Wally, but with the nation’s favourite hardman instead.
Mike from Southampton says his family dragged him here. They’re just a few feet away, giggling. I don’t immediately see Dyer in him, but after a couple of questions, I can definitely sense the swagger — if not the resemblance.
‘No one’s ever told me I look like Danny Dyer, but I’ve lived a similar sort of childhood — working-class,’ he says. He’s nailed Dyer’s sense of humour, though: ‘I’m obviously very good-looking, very charismatic, and a geezer.’
Bradley, from London, stands next to Mike and confirms he’s also taking part — admittedly, to my surprise.
‘I’m meant to be looking like Danny Dyer, so we’ll see where it takes us,’ he says. ‘I sound like him more than I look like him. No one’s ever told me I look like him, but I do sound like him. We’re both from London, good geezers, and we’d do anything for anyone — he seems like that type of fella.’
I don’t know if it’s the free Scampi Fries or the Haribo handed out to onlookers, but the energy is electric.
Hundreds have either snuck out of the office on their lunch break or are pretending they’re in a meeting to witness a strangely thrilling spectacle. I arrived curious, but swiftly became genuinely invested.
The 12 contenders are put through their paces in three rounds of ‘Who Can Be the Most Danny Dyer,’ judged by Dyer’s Mr Bigstuff co-stars Ryan Sampson and Harriet Webb.
The first round is a bloodbath, as 12 are narrowed down to four based on looks alone. Personally, I had my own clear favourites, but everyone gets their chance to shine. The talent ranges from “bloody hell, is that Danny Dyer?” to someone who looked lost and somehow ended up on stage.
It doesn’t take long for 12 to become four. A round involving reading classic Danny Dyer quotes quickly cuts it to two: Richard the doppelgänger and Mike the charmer, going head to head to prove who is the most Dyer of them all. The deciding factor? Hobbies. And bizarrely, both are unusually on-brand: Richard makes stained glass windows; Mike grows coral. Two hobbies I didn’t know existed — yet somehow couldn’t be more Dyer.
In the end, Richard may have looked like Dyer’s twin, but Mike was just more Danny.
He’s draped in a sash reading ‘Best Danny’ and soaks in the glory from his crusty throne — the manky armchair I spotted earlier — drowned out by deafening cheers from the crowd.
I catch up with Mike once he’s had a moment to catch his breath.
‘I didn’t expect to win in the slightest,’ he laughs. Turning to runner-up Richard, he concedes, ‘I feel like I’ve met Danny Dyer today.’
Of course, he actually will meet Dyer later tonight. ‘That is the pinnacle,’ he admits, though he has no idea what he’s going to say. After some deliberation, he settles on a plan: ‘I’ll ask him, “What’s the most exciting movie he’s in?” I’m hoping it’s going to be Human Traffic — that’s my era.”
‘I hope I’ve done him proud,’ he chuckles.
After Mike was crowned champion, the ‘least like Danny Dyer’ was also given a prize — a smouldering cardboard cut-out of the national treasure.
The unfortunate winner was the aptly named Mick from North London, who told Metro: ‘I had fun, it was interesting. I thought the guy with no hair should have won this — but it’s all fun.’
Mr Bigstuff season 2 premieres on July 24 on Sky and NOW.
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