My flatmate pays rent and bills but never buys household essentials — it’s maddening

Everyone who’s lived in houseshares has a few flatmate horror stories, from the ridiculously noisy to the chronically cleaning-averse.

But sometimes it’s a bit more nuanced, and one small habit can turn an otherwise great situation into a resentment-fuelled nightmare.

That’s the case for Jen, 28, from Manchester, who got in touch about bringing up an awkward issue — as well as being the only one in her flat who replaces household essentials, she’s also footing the bill for them all.

In this week’s Money Problem, personal finance journalist and consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, shares her perspective.

The problem…

I’ve lived with Becky* for the last five months, after my old flatmate moved out and the landlord brought her in as a replacement. For the most part, it’s a good situation – we’re not friends as such, but we occasionally hang out, and are both the same level of clean and quiet.

The issue is that although she pays her share of rent and bills on time, stuff like milk, toothpaste, and kitchen and toilet roll are left to me – and it really adds up.

When she first moved in, we discussed shared essentials and agreed that we’d each get what was needed as and when, then split the cost. Ever since though, I’m the only one who’s actually replaced anything, and my texts asking her to transfer half the cash go ignored. I’ve tried to mention it in conversation too, but she brushes it off saying she’ll sort then never does.

While I know I could just stop buying things or get them for myself, I can’t handle having to go without or spend my life hiding washing up liquid in my room. I also don’t want to start a full-blown argument about it, as we have to live together for at least until her lease (12 months) ends. Is there any way I can bring this up without it ending badly?

The advice…

How. Annoying. I think your problem will resonate with most people who have lived with roommates at some point in their lives. There’s always one who eats your bread and never buys milk. But I agree with you, life’s too short to keep loo roll under your bed instead of in the bathroom where it belongs.

So, how to fix this ‘without it ending badly’.

First question – what does ending badly look like to you? It sounds like you’re uncomfortable with confrontation and the ‘full blown argument’ is what you’re worried about.

Second question – what would a good ending look like? Ideally, you want Becky to contribute 50/50 to the household essentials without having to nag her.

The answer (and I think you know this) is to talk to her about it. Not in passing and not by text. You also need to be clear, up front, about what outcome you are seeking at the end of the conversation.

Before you get to this stage, though, I’d arm yourself with some facts.

1. Make a list of the household essentials you share.
2. Be specific about exactly how much is used collectively each month and write it down – two rolls of kitchen paper, half a bottle of washing up liquid, two pints of milk a week. Whatever it is, if you’re both using it, it goes onto the list.
3. Go back through receipts or check a supermarket online and put a price on each of those items. Again, write it down so you’ve got your monthly total.
4. Is it a reasonable number? What could come off that list?
5. Next time you find yourself having a chat in the kitchen and neither of you is in a rush to go anywhere, ask her if she’s got half an hour in the next couple of days to sit down and go through your household expenses. Suggest she make a list of what she’s got for the house over the past six months (approximately) and cost it up.
6. Book a time, make a cup of tea and sit down with your lists. Tot it up, agree what you’re both using and are happy to split and put a number on it.
7. You both need to agree that this is what needs to be kept aside at start of the month, every month.
8. Be accountable – the best way to do this is to keep track of spending and make sure you’re both aware of the running total at all times.

When I was a student, we had a jar in the kitchen and stuck cash in it once a week. When it ran out we all stuck a bit more in, and if there was any left over we got a takeaway together. Things have moved on a bit since then. but there are some fantastic apps that make things really easy to track.

Splitwise is great, particularly if you’re the one who does most of the shopping. It will keep a running total of what you’ve spent and she’ll be able to see exactly what she owes you. You can pay each other back through the app by connecting your bank account securely or using PayPal.

App-only banks Monzo and Revolut have a similar function, though you’ll both need to have your own accounts. And budgeting app Emma is also a good option, allowing you to pay someone using a QR code you generate on your phone. There are plenty of others too.

One word of caution: be mindful of the fact she might be struggling with money and that’s why she’s relying on you. This isn’t fair, but it is something you and she may have to manage. Perhaps it can help to suggest shopping somewhere cheaper or cutting back on certain things.

Ultimately though, you need to come to an agreement that’s realistic for you both and make it as easy as possible to stick to.

Personally (as long as you can afford to) I’d swallow my frustration up to now, wipe the slate clean and start afresh. It’ll clear the air and there’s no way she can claim unfairness.

Sarah Davidson is an award-winning financial editor and head of research at WPB.

Got a money worry or dilemma? Email sarah.davidson@metro.co.uk

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