Knowing your mum or dad is out on the dating scene can feel pretty weird— but this week’s reader has even more reason to feel uncomfortable.
This 21-year-old got in touch because his dad’s girlfriend, who is just 29, keeps flirting with him.
From inappropriate touches to flirty jokes, he thinks she’s crossing a line —but should he tell his dad?
Read the advice below and make sure to read last week’s column, where one reader is starting to doubt his girlfriend’s far-fetched stories.
The problem:
My brother and I were still quite small when our mum sadly died of cancer. Since then, Dad’s been involved with a few women but after one moved in and it all ended in disaster, he has tried to keep his love life away from us.
However, now that we’re adults – my brother 19 and me 21 – he’s decided that it’s safe to be open about his ‘lady friends’.
About a year ago, he met a woman at the cycling club he goes to, and in the last six months or so he has started bringing her home. She is only 29, my dad 47, so she’s nearer in age to me than him.
I’ve got to be honest – she is fit in every sense of the word. Maybe if I met her in a bar I’d be attracted to her, but she’s my father’s girlfriend so there’s nothing there. I don’t look at her in a romantic way.
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However, that feeling doesn’t seem to be reciprocated. Every time we’re alone together, she flirts with me – cracking inappropriate and suggestive jokes, putting her arms round me, rubbing up against me – to the extent that it’s embarrassing.
She even said recently that if she’d met me before Dad, she would definitely have picked me instead.
My dad worships the ground she walks on, and thinks I’m just jealous if I say anything against her. Recently he has talked about popping the question, which is an awful prospect. I definitely don’t want her as my step-mother or my dad’s wife.
The advice:
Unfortunately, you have no control over the behaviour of your dad’s girlfriend, but you do have control over how you respond to her.
You really need to have an honest chat with this woman when your dad isn’t around, and make it clear that you’re not attracted to her – even if that involves a lie.
She needs to know where the boundaries are, and that you’re the offspring of her partner rather than a potential boyfriend. Tell her you’ll speak to your father if her inappropriate behaviour continues.
If she really is so thick skinned that she carries on flirting with you, you’re going to have to tell your dad. He’ll probably be annoyed at first, but I bet he’d rather know than not – especially if he’s thinking of proposing.
Don’t lose your cool – just tell him in a calm, measured way, what has been happening.
This woman is clearly one person to him and another to you, but from what you say, she’s not the sort of woman he needs in his life.
That said, there’s nothing you can do other than tell the truth. After that, it’s up to them to sort out.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
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