My friends’ constant weddings and baby showers are bankrupting me

From travel and accommodation to gifts and clothing, it now costs over £600 on average to attend a wedding.

And for 33-year-old Dan from Brighton, that’s an expense he’s having to bear on a regular basis, as his friends are all settling down.

Between the weddings, baby showers and birthday parties, he feels like his cash is being eating up by celebrating everyone else’s milestones — and as a parent looking to get on the property ladder, he’s not exactly flush.

In this week’s Money Problem, personal finance journalist and consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, offers some guidance on how Dan can RSVP while keeping his hard-earned GBP intact.

The problem…

I’m currently at an age where everyone around me is either getting married or having babies, and while it’s great to be included in their special moments, it’s an absolute killer financially.

My wife and I have a three-year-old and are trying to save up to buy a house, so money is already pretty tight. But it feels like every other weekend there’s another wedding, stag do or baby shower, which usually means forking out for travel, accommodation, childcare and gifts – and that’s before I even get into the constant birthday parties for my kid’s nursery classmates.

I honestly don’t begrudge being invited to these events, especially since people made the effort when it was our turn. It’s just they’re so relentless right now, so even when I try to keep costs down with handmade presents or budget hotels, I’m spending a fortune.

Aside from the odd third cousin or work acquaintance, I don’t feel comfortable turning down people’s invitations. These days, big celebrations are one of the few chances I get to socialise with my loved ones. But how can I be there for them without going bankrupt?

The answer…

Dan, I don’t have a silver bullet for you I’m afraid. This is a stage we all go through and, I really feel your pain. It’s both wonderful and financially painful at the same time.

I think you’ve got to weigh this up and there are a few things to consider:

• This phase is not going to last forever. After a few years of a packed-out schedule, there’s the odd straggler, but one wedding here and there is usually not a financial disaster at home.
• These aren’t just any old events, they’re moments where you’ll make lifelong memories. They’re celebrating people you love and they’re important to be at for you as well as for them.
• However you budget and plan, ultimately you aren’t in control of where the wedding or stag do is, or how much you owe for accommodation when it’s organised for you.

That said, you’ve got a finite amount of money coming in and a fixed amount that has to go out to cover rent and bills – plus you’re trying to save to buy your first home.

This is an equation and at the moment, it isn’t balancing. Something’s got to give. So, the question you need to answer for yourself is what?

There are some small things you can do that might free up a bit of spare cash.

First, income. Ask for a pay rise. Just do it. The worst they can do is say no.

Second, rent. If your landlord is prone to upping your rent every year, talk to them and ask them for lenience. Most landlords want good reliable tenants and will be prepared to give you £50 off a month rather than find a new tenant.

Third, bills. Have you renewed all your bills contracts? Broadband, car insurance, mobile phone, gas and electricity – if you’ve got to the end of your contract and you’ve just kept on paying each month, you’re likely to be spending far more than you need to.

Go through each bill systematically and check. Call your provider or check online if you don’t know. Go to a comparison website and get a list of quotes if you were to switch provider. Then call your existing provider and ask for a quote for a new contract. Don’t accept their first offer – haggle for all you’re worth, use cheaper quotes you’ve found online to get them down, threaten to leave. And if it’s still cheaper elsewhere, leave.

Fourth, subscriptions. Think Netflix, Sky, Amazon Prime, Apple TV, Disney+, Audible, newspapers, magazines – anything that goes out of your account automatically every month. Cancel what you don’t use (check your contract first as this can incur a cost) but have a cull of the ones you do use – do you really need five TV streaming services or could you go without two of them for a couple of years?

Fifth, food, groceries and eating out. Shop at cheaper supermarkets such as Aldi, Lidl and Iceland. For most things it’s likely you won’t even be compromising on quality or choice. Ditch takeaways and regular meals out and opt for meal deals and a bottle of wine at home. Buy a candle to make it a little bit special.

Sixth, childcare. Do you have friends with small kids too? Set up a babysitting group. Use tokens, keep a spreadsheet together or buy a packet of beans and use those. Pay each other to look after your children using tokens rather than cash.

Seventh, travel. Car-pool with other guests. Trains almost anywhere longer than an hour away are cripplingly expensive. If it requires a plane, I’d suggest having a hard think about whether you should go.

Eighth, stuff. Do you need a new x, y or z right now? Can you get it on Facebook Marketplace, Vinted, Nextdoor or Gumtree second hand (sometimes for nothing) instead? Have you got stuff you can sell through these apps too? Baby clothes that no longer fit is a good one to think about. Come to that, you can probably get gifts new but for half the price on these apps too.

Ninth, saving. This is tricky because I would never, never tell anyone to stop saving if they can afford to. There are some reasons you might consider reducing or pausing the amount you put away though (excluding pension contributions – don’t cut those). It’s always less expensive to clear debt with savings than carry both, with a very few and scarce exceptions.

Tenth, what’s it all for? Saving is an investment in your future financial security but spending money on the joy and memories that being with friends and family gives you is an investment too.

Consider the two in this context and you might find that putting off saving as much as you want to for your home for a year or two is worth what you get in return.

Sarah Davidson is an award-winning financial editor and head of research at WPB.

Got a money worry or dilemma? Email sarah.davidson@metro.co.uk

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