‘My child was the biter in his class, every week I’d fetch him, and his teacher would tell me “It happened again” – I would literally just sit in my car and cry.’
It’s not a comment you’d expect to read on a ‘spend the day with me’ vlog by a Love Island influencer, but Molly-Mae Hague’s latest YouTube upload has struck a chord with parents.
The 26-year-old, who shares daughter Bambi with Tommy Fury, revealed she got a call from nursery to say her two-year-old had bitten another child, and ‘this isn’t the first time that it’s happened.’
‘It’s so embarrassing for me because it’s completely and utterly the opposite of what I want my child to be,’ she said. ‘I want her to be kind, gentle, loving and caring […] but equally she is two-and-a-half and she’s testing boundaries.’
Laura*, 38, from Wiltshire, can relate, describing her son as ‘the biter at nursery’.
‘I felt like a terrible parent,’ she tells Metro. ‘He broke the skin once, and I just felt sick.’
Her child, Max*, now eight, went through a stage of biting other children when he was between the ages of two and four. It happened most frequently with one boy, who was the son of Laura’s ‘closest mum friend’, who she’d met at NCT.
Although they were born just two days apart, Max was much smaller than the other boy and didn’t have the same communication skills.
‘There was almost an imbalance between them,’ recalls Laura. ‘He couldn’t say, for example, when the other child was sort of pinning him down.’
Thankfully, Max has now outgrown biting, but the experience still makes Laura feel uncomfortable years later.
‘It was awful,’ she shares. ‘It always seems to be one child out of the group, and so if you’re the one, it’s just really, really embarrassing.’
Why do toddlers bite other children?
Kirsty Ketley, a qualified early years educator and nursery manager, reassures parents that biting is very common, particularly in the toddler years.
‘It can happen for lots of reasons: frustration, teething discomfort, exploring cause and effect, or just simply not yet having the words to express big feelings,’ she tells Metro.
‘At this age, children are still developing self-control and emotional regulation, so biting can be a way of communicating when they feel overwhelmed or want attention.’
Some commenters on Molly Mae’s video blamed the rise of ‘gentle parenting’ for a so-called ‘biting epidemic’, but Kirsty isn’t convinced.
‘It’s something that has always happened in nurseries and early years settings,’ says the professional with 30 years of experience.
‘I have heard of some settings reporting more incidents since the pandemic, possibly because children missed out on early social interactions and are still catching up. But biting isn’t new; it’s just a stage that many toddlers go through.’
What to do if your child is biting other children
The key to nipping this behaviour in the bud is responding calmly and consistently.
‘Keep language simple: “No biting. Biting hurts.” Then guide them towards a more positive behaviour, like offering words they can use (“I don’t like that”), or giving them something safe to bite if they’re teething,’ says Kirsty.
‘Notice and praise when they express themselves without biting – very important!’
If the biting happens at nursery, work with the staff so you’re both using the same approach.
‘Ask what triggers they’ve noticed,’ says Kirsty. ‘Does it happen when your child is tired, hungry, or overwhelmed in situations? Consistency between home and nursery is really important in helping children grow out of the behaviour.’
Don’t ever bite a child back to put them off of doing it (yes, some parents apparently do this!). And we’re sorry to tell you this, but nibbling their toes to hear their delicious giggles needs to stop.
‘I once had a child whose dad liked pretending to bite his child’s finger and the child ended up going for his peer’s fingers when trying to play with them!’ says Kirsty.
Molly Mae asked her followers if she should cancel Bambi’s planned ice-cream treat after the nursery biting incident, but Kirsty points out punishments like this won’t land with toddlers, who tend to ‘live in the moment’. It’s best to trust nursery staff to act at the time.
If biting persists beyond the toddler years, it’s worth seeking professional support to see if there’s something else going on.
‘We now know that Max has ADHD, he’s neurodivergent,’ says Laura. ‘So I do wonder whether there was an element of impulse control that was related in hindsight.’
What to do if your child is bitten
It can be hard not to have strong feelings if your child arrives home with teeth marks or a mouth-shaped bruise, but remember that biting isn’t usually malicious – it’s developmental.
‘If your child is bitten at nursery, staff should be recording and monitoring incidents, and also supporting your child with comfort and reassurance,’ says Kirsty.
‘As a parent, you can focus on listening to your child’s feelings and acknowledging them: “That hurt, and it wasn’t nice.” At the same time, reassure them that biting is not OK and that the adults are helping everyone to be safe.’
If you’re worried, ask the nursery what strategies they’re using, but try not to single out or blame another child. You can always speak to the nursery manager if the situation doesn’t improve.
‘It’s important that you don’t approach the other child’s parents!’ Kirsty adds.
And remember: the fear of judgement is probably worse than the judgement itself.
Laura was worried her NCT friend wouldn’t want to meet up for playdates when the biting started, but the other mum ‘handled it really well’.
They kept a close watch while the boys were still developing their language skills, and Laura taught Max safe ways to say ‘stop’ as soon as he was able to.
‘At the time, I was very self-conscious about it,’ she says. ‘That feeling of judgment wasn’t necessarily born out of reality.’
