The author behind Eat Pray Love has revealed in her new book that she ‘fully intended’ to kill her girlfriend.
Elizabeth Gilbert admits that she considered killing her partner, who was dying of terminal cancer, in her new memoir, All the Way to the River: Love, Loss and Liberation.
The couple were best friends before starting a relationship in 2016, just after Gilbert left her husband at the time, a Brazilian businessman called Jose Nunes, whom she married in 2007.
The 56-year-old shot to fame after her book, Eat Pray Love, was on the New York Times bestseller list for 187 weeks, 57 of those at number one.
There were 12 million copies sold across the globe in 30 languages and a film made starring Julia Roberts and Javier Bardem in 2010.
In an excerpt seen by The Times, Gilbert reflected that she ‘came very close to premeditatedly and cold-bloodedly murdering my partner’.
She said: ‘I want to make something extremely clear here. When I say that I once planned to murder Rayya, I don’t mean that the idea simply crossed my mind that my life would be easier if she were gone.
‘I mean that I fully intended to kill her. And I tell this story in all its raw honesty, because I want people to understand how insane co-dependency can make a person become,’ the extract read.
‘I mean, I’m the nice lady who wrote Eat Pray Love. And I came very close to premeditatedly and cold-bloodedly murdering my partner because she had taken her affection away from me, and because I was extremely tired. That’s the sort of person I become when I’m in my insanity.’
Rayya Elias died in January 2018 of cancer of the liver and pancreas, having been diagnosed with cancer two years before.
Elias was prescribed opiates to ease with her pain, however Gilbert reveals in her new memoir that these pain meds had no effect on her partner as she was a former drug addict.
Gilbert distinctly remembers Elias saying: ‘This s*** doesn’t f***ing work on me! You gotta give me something stronger.’
From there Gilbert recalls their life spiralling as the pair began taking psychedelic mushrooms and MDMA together, often spending days high.
They blew money on rash decisions – splashing out on a brand-new car and signing a lease for an expensive Manhattan apartment.
The highs were not all drug-induced, as Gilbert admits the couple’s sex drive was through the roof at the time.
Elias quickly escalated to cocaine, with the expensive habit funded almost entirely by Gilbert.
But soon the reality came crashing down, Gilbert was not just enabling the addiction – she was actively facilitating it.
In her new memoir, Gilbert admits cocaine tore her relationship apart, fuelling daily fights and abuse.
Gilbert registered herself as an intravenous drug user to secure clean needles. She says she tied Elias down and helped her inject into her arms, legs, feet and even her neck.
Gilbert confesses she began plotting to kill Elias through an overdose, using sleeping pills or fentanyl patches.
At the same time, she was contemplating ending her own life by drowning in a nearby river.
‘The relief this plan brought me,’ she told The Times. ‘All you have to do is kill her. She’s already dying. You’ll be free.’
Eventually an ex-girlfriend stepped in, forcing Elias into sobriety during her final months.
After nearly two decades clean, Elias died in 2018 aged 57. Gilbert later called it ‘a particularly bad death.’
In the aftermath, she rushed into another doomed relationship before finally confronting her own love addiction.
Six years on, Gilbert has remained single to focus on healing and recovering.
Gilbert now lives by the mantra: one day at a time, in a bid to find peace in herself and others.
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