This month, students across the UK will be trekking back to uni for Freshers Week. It’s essential that you sus out your flatmates as soon as possible. You need to find out what you’ll have to put up with for the rest of the year. Here are eight foolproof signs your new uni roomie is a posh girl, based on their uni room and kitchen habits. You’ll thank me later.
1. Her groceries are from M&S or Waitrose, non-ironically
If you open the fridge and discover a stash of salmon or strawberries from a boujie supermarket, then beware. A posh girl walks among you. Don’t bother pointing out to her that there is an Aldi or a Lidl a ten-minute walk away. She’ll just wrinkle her nose and ramble about avocados for five minutes.
2. Photos of fancy holidays
They drink gin cocktails more easily than they do tap water
Pretend you’re an art history student, and try to decode your flatmates’ personalities from the pinboards in their rooms. If someone has decorated her wall with photos of fancy holiday destinations, pics of her friends on spa days, or a shrine to her eight horses, then you know what you’re dealing with. Posh girls likely spent the whole summer heat wave in a relative’s Mediterranean holiday house, and their photo walls will have the evidence.
3. The kitchen is an absolute state
If your new roommate has somehow made it to adulthood without learning how to scramble eggs, then odds are that she’s a posh girl. A lifetime of private school canteens, COOK ready meals and bored parents can do that to someone. After she takes a painfully long time to even cook pasta, the kitchen will look like a tornado hit it. It won’t occur to her that she actually has to tidy up, and a cleaner won’t sort it all out in the morning.
She gets bonus poshness points if her kitchen things are all from expensive brands (think Le Creuset oven dishes, or Emma Bridgewater mugs, or basically anything from the John Lewis “Uni Essentials list”) and are all unused.
Funnily enough, plates don’t wash themselves
4. Her cupboards have way too many outfits in
She treats Freshers Week like it’s Fashion Week. She strolls up to every tedious induction event with a brand-new outfit and bag. Her uni room is stuffed with suitcases of shoes, because she’s never lived in a place without a walk-in wardrobe before, so seriously underestimated the available storage space a shoebox-like uni room would have.
5. She spends a small eternity in the bathroom
This is a clear sign that her parents’ house has more toilets than people, and she’s not used to sharing a bathroom. Her skincare routine is now two hours long, and non-negotiable.
6. Actual, real perfume bottles on her desk
I don’t mean Sol de Janeiro, or floral body mists from clothes shops. A posh girl’s uni room will contain actual branded perfume in glass vials that measure about three inches yet cost more than a week’s rent. If your flatmate smells like Selfridges, she’s definitely got money to burn (or in this case, spray).
This is quite the collection
7. Clothes with her school’s name on are fashionable
If you’re sitting in someone’s room and you spot a jumper or coat or trackies with a school crest on, then four things must be true:
- They went to private school
- They were actually happy there
- They have no self-awareness
- They must be avoided at all costs
8. Pilates equipment in the corner
Wait, you don’t bring your own mat to pilates? You actually use the mats in the studio, that all the plebeians have touched with their sweaty feet? The blocks aren’t even from Lululemon! Good lord.
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