I’ve been feeling nostalgic as of late, not for the days of homework and too aggressive games of bulldog, but for the primary school discos with songs like The Ketchup Song and Reach.
Though they’re undeniable bangers in their own right, I’m not talking Give Me Oil in My Lamp or Cauliflowers Fluffy. These are the songs that defined those badly decorated ragers – insane amounts of sugar instead of alcohol, of course.
School discos, in their many forms and variations, are an institution. The parties were almost always in the gym, those racks of acrobatic equipment still attached to the wall as we exchanged glowsticks and navigated the pre-teen politics of “I fancy you” and Shagbands.
Cheeky Song – The Cheeky Girls
Starting off strong, the Cheeky Song is as jarring as it is annoyingly catchy. Having a room full of pre-teens shouting “touch my bum, this is life” is a little questionable, but it’s a classic for a reason.
The Ketchup Song – Las Ketchup
Another early 2000s classic that primary school disco DJs beat like a dead horse. I still have absolutely no idea what The Ketchup Song is actually about, but it’s still a bop.
Who Let the Dogs Out – Baha Men
Though not a particular favourite of mine, Who Let the Dogs Out was a welcome embrace when you’re on your fourth juice and third helping of sweets – even if the only lyrics we knew were the barking.
Cha Cha slide – DJ Casper
Every. Single. One. Of. These. Dance. Moves. Is. Burned. Into. Our. Brains. In fact, I firmly believe it should be included in all UK citizenship tests.
Barbie Girl – Aqua
I thought this was the official Barbie song growing up. I always did the Barbie lines, obvs.
Fast food song – Fast Food Rockers
They really don’t make music like they used to, because The Fast Food Song made literally zero sense beyond odd product placement.
Literally anything by Busted or McFly
A 10-year-old me had an elite taste in music, because McFly and Busted are STILL the pinnacle of British excellence years later. It was about as edgy as we got back then, which admittedly is not very edgy at all.
YMCA – Village People
YMCA is a generational banger: Our parents danced to it, we danced to it, and if it wasn’t for their politics in 2025, our kids would proboably dance to it as well.
Reach – S Club 7
To be honest, anything by S Club 7 would be a welcome addition on this list. Their music was peak cheese, and Reach was a cultural reset.
Superman – Black Lace
Why don’t songs come with their own incredibly cheesy dance moves anymore?
5, 6, 7, 8 – Steps
Speaking of cheesy dance moves, Steps’ 5, 6, 7, 8 separated the wheat from the chaff. An introduction to line dancing, only the best of the best had the confidence to hit every move, and I’m betting we could evoke those old moves if ever the time came.
Tragedy – Steps
I can’t include 5, 6, 7, 8 without noting the iconic track Tragedy. All in c*nty wedding dresses and singing about men being awful, Steps really did walk so the greats of 2025 could run.
Cotton Eye Joe – Rednex
For some reason, this American song from the Deep South became a staple of British primary school discos. It was super random, and super morally questionable, when you consider the song’s links to slavery. Our teachers spent too much time on times tables, and not enough researching the songs they were blasting at us in full volume.
Greased Lightning – Grease
Greased Lightning is by no means the best song in the hit musical, but it’s arguably the most iconic.
. Time Warp – Rocky Horror Picture Show
It’s mad to think that kiddies today are listening to Billie Eilish while playing kiss chase, because we were blasting a song from a musical about a cross-dressing alien from a planet called Transsexual. Those Facebook keyboard warriors would lose their minds in 2025.
Saturday Night – Whigfield
As young kids, we had literally zero concept of Saturday night, and yet, the song from Whigfield came with its own dance moves, catchy beat, and questionable message for kids. Don’t do these dance moves on an actual Saturday night out though. I learned that the hard way.
. We Like to Party – Vengaboys
I actually saw the Vengaboys live a few years ago, and your thoughts are confirmed: We Like to Party is STILL an undeniable tune.
. Mambo No. 5 – Lou Bega
Knowing all the women’s names in Mambo No. 5 was a mark of honour. It’s about a man being a hoe, which, of course, we could relate to massively between spelling tests and those iced sponge cakes at lunch.
Crazy Frog – Axel F
Crazy Frog sent us into what can only be described as a manic state. I swear it does something to the still-developing brains of the youth.
Macarena – Los Del Rio
This tune came out way back in 1993, but it really does grow up with you. Primary school was about mastering the moves, and by the time of Uni, it was about showing that you could move your hips in the “HEYYYY MACARENA” bit.
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