With a new academic year, comes the start of so many years abroad; and therefore the beginning of a whole new set of Durham students starting to navigate their long-distance relationships.
I never, ever, never thought I’d ever be a long-distance relationship person – but then I fell in love. And being a Modern Languages student, my year abroad was long-awaited and compulsory. Nobody ever is going to look at long-distance as the ideal, but it’s sometimes just the price you pay, and sometimes it’s worth it. It’s definitely not easy, but it can actually make your relationship stronger in the long-term if you let it. As a veteran in the field, here are my tips to survive the next year.
(Disclaimer: I’m definitely very far from being a relationship expert)
Make time for each other (and don’t be late)
This one is probably up there as one of the things I was worst at. I had very full days of teaching and lesson-planning in Costa Rica for 5 months and it sometimes made the idea of getting on a phone call home a bit exhausting. No matter how in love you are, sometimes you will be tired. But nevertheless, navigating the seven-hour time difference and work fatigue was something I wanted to do.
If you love them, you’ll make time. Plus, as soon as I got on the phone, I pretty much forgot about everything else anyway. And it doesn’t have to be a three hour long chat every night, tailor it to fit you. More comfortable with quick, sporadic, spontaneous chats? Totally fine. Fancy more texting throughout the week then a long check in at the weekend? You do you. But your partner isn’t psychic, so communicate.
Also, why not plan a cute date night? You could watch a film together, you could cook the same dinner over video call together, you could play the New York Times games – the sky is the limit.
Technology is your friend
Clear storage on your phone because there are so many good apps to help you along with long-distance (and this is the Tab so I’m not getting paid to recommend anything).
If you want to watch something together, just download Discord or I’m pretty sure you can screenshare with Whatsapp. You might have to mess about with the sound settings or buy a headset if you don’t have one but it’s an easy one to use. Buy popcorn, argue over what film to watch, make it cute.
If you want something to help you feel a bit more connected aside from just texting and calling, try Couple Joy (I find the name so cringe but it’s actually good). The app gives you a question prompt everyday to answer with your partner which I found was a really cute way to stay in touch everyday and even learn something new about my boyfriend’s brain. Plus, it lets you leave little notes, set a little countdown, and you can even see the miles between each other.
There are also a million games you can play together online over a call or while you’re in the middle of something else. Do a crossword together, play chess.com, be creative. Also, a top tip for apple users. Put the time difference on the widgets in your home screen. Makes everything so much easier.
Plan the next time you’ll see each other
No matter how well you do long-distance, in person will always, always be better. If you’re anything like me, you’ll simultaneously be having an amazing time on your year abroad and counting the days until you can see your partner again. So, a good way to make yourself feel better when you’re missing them is to think about that Love Actually style airport reunion.
If there’s the funds, who’s stopping you/them from hopping on a flight? When I was in Spain for three months, my boyfriend came to visit me for a week, and then I went to visit him for a week; and when I was travelling after my work placement in Costa Rica, we met up in Mexico for two weeks. The whole year would’ve been so much harder if we hadn’t planned in these short breaks in the distance.
But, at the same time, trans-continental travel isn’t always an option. So, if you don’t have the option to go visit, just plan what you’re going to do when you next see each other. But make it something you can look forward to and get excited about.
Love letters aren’t dead
You know what one romantic gesture has stood the test of time over centuries? Love letters. If Mr Darcy had the time in early 19th century, so do you. Just go buy some stamps and write something you think will make them smile. Doesn’t have to be a whole book (unless you are a professional) it just has to at the very least be postcard sized.
Taking the time to write down your feelings can also be pretty healthy for you too. For me, writing down all the things I missed about my boyfriend, buying stamps and going into town to find an international post-box was a small reminder of what all the waiting was for.
Be honest (and for the love of all good things, communicate!)
No matter how many dates you plan, apps you download or calls you have – long distance will have its hard parts. You’ll might miss home (or not miss home); you might have work/family problems; you might have relationship problems. This doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship though. You just need to communicate (easier said than done, I know).
With the major disadvantage of distance and the lack of face-to-face interaction, communication gets harder. Texts get misinterpreted and things get misunderstood, so it’s painfully important to let your partner know if something is wrong. And, if it’s not working out, don’t waste their time or yours and let them know.
If you survive all this, you’ll get the reward of getting to have dates in Durham again before you know it.
