I fell asleep at the wheel and killed my best friend, 15 years later, friend’s mother still sends me birthday cards, but I can’t ‘look her in the eye’

At 17, two best friends, both high school students, were driving back from a concert. The driver, exhausted after hours on the road, nodded off for a moment behind the wheel. In that brief lapse, the car veered off and hit a tree. His best friend, who had been asleep in the passenger seat, died instantly. “I fell asleep for a second behind the wheel. We hit a tree. He died instantly,” the man wrote recently on Reddit’s TrueOffMyChest forum. “His mom came to the hospital and hugged me. She told me it wasn’t my fault. She said she forgave me.”

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Forgiveness too heavy to carry

In the immediate aftermath, the boy’s mother showed a level of compassion that few could imagine in such a moment of loss. But for the survivor, her forgiveness was unbearable.
“I couldn’t handle it,” he confessed. “I stopped visiting. I ignored her calls. I couldn’t look her in the eye knowing her son was dead because I blinked too long.”

As the years passed, he withdrew further, away from her and away from the memory of his best friend. But one thing never stopped coming: the birthday cards.

The silent cards

Every year, for fifteen years, a simple card arrives in his mailbox. No note, no return address, just the words: “Thinking of you.” She has sent one every year since the accident.
“I don’t know how to face her,” he admitted in the post. “I don’t know if she still forgives me or if she just wants me to forgive myself.”

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‘You’re the only one who grieves like she does,’ internet responds

The story struck a powerful chord online as thousands of Reddit users flooded the thread with empathy, advice, and deeply personal reflections.

One of the most upvoted comments came from a user named panicPhaereewho identified as a mother. Her words captured what many parents felt reading the post: “As a mom, it would kill me to lose not only my child but their best friend to such a tragedy this way. Please, please take the time to go tell her you think of her child often. That he lives on in your memories. I guarantee she’s just waiting for you to come back around. You’re likely the only one who grieves at similar levels as she does. You both deserve to heal from this.”

Another commenter, deepstrut, echoed that sentiment, writing simply: “She lost two people she loved that day… She mourns you both. Forgive yourself and reconnect with her.”

The thread soon filled with stories from people who had lived through similar losses. One user, thesheepsnameisjeb_shared that their own brother had died in nearly identical circumstances when he was 17: “My parents wanted his friends around. I’m sure she understands why you stopped visiting and ignored her calls… she probably sees you as an extension of her son. She wouldn’t be sending you a birthday card every year if she hadn’t forgiven you.”

Another, revanhartwrote a response that resonated deeply with thousands: “Grief and trauma can become comfortable after so long. Forgiving yourself and letting go is hard because it means facing the pain again. But if his mom died tomorrow, would you regret never responding to her? If the answer is yes, reach out to her. Don’t add to the burden you’re already carrying.”