‘Three years ago I started dating a guy who was desperate for a job, so I helped him out and got him a job at my office,’ Sophie said down the phone.
‘We were working together and living together, but no one knew – then, he broke up with me. Twice.’
The 25-year-old lives in Lisbon and realised that helping her partner out had really backfired.
‘The second time we broke up, it was for good. Now I’m navigating a situation where we are no longer dating but we’re still colleagues a year later. It’s terrible,’ she added.
I tried to hide the shock on my face, as Sophie told her story. She was spilling her dilemma on the latest episode of Just Between Us, Metro’s hot new sex and relationships podcast.
But my co-host Diana Vickers and I struggled to keep a straight face as she explained that his reason for breaking up with her was wanting a fresh start; new job, new city, new girlfriend.
‘He told me he needed to find himself and he wasn’t happy in his corporate job or routine, so I expected him to leave the job and move to the other side of the world, but no, the only thing he changed about his life was breaking up with me,’ Sophie said.
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Oh, and he dumped her on holiday – both times. While breaking up with someone isn’t a crime – you’d think that you’d try and do it when you aren’t stuck in a hotel room together.
Sophie actually has a new boyfriend now, but she’s struggling with being haunted by her ex every day as she sends Outlook calendar invites, so she came to us for advice.
She’s wondering how to truly find her peace after the relationship and how she can work through her last frustrations from how badly he handled the breakup.
Now, her dilemma isn’t surprising, given that 44% of people know a co-worker who has had an affair at work, and that a fifth of marriages or civil partnerships start in the office – but that doesn’t make it any easier when it doesn’t work out.
It’s tricky, because Sophie doesn’t have the luxury of the delete and block method where you avoid seeing or hearing from them IRL or on social media.
So, step number one, which is a tip from dating coach Matthew Hussey I picked up, is to change your ex’s name on any forms of communication you have to have on your phone to something that reminds you you’ve moved on.
A woman who Matthew coached changed her ex’s name in her phone to ‘Done’, so whenever he popped up, it reinforced they were over and done with.
It may sound petty and small, but trust me, it works a treat. It gives you that satisfaction of knowing that chapter is finished with.
Sophie also questioned if she should tell any colleagues they have had a relationship and how badly it ended.
‘Part of me, after my third Aperol Spritz at corporate drinks, really wants to let it out’ she said.
It was a firm no from me. She’s done so brilliantly at keeping it professional up until now and it would likely give him more satisfaction knowing you’re still thinking about him.
Not to mention, from a HR perspective it could get pretty contentious, and she loves her job, so it’s not worth letting him jeopardise that.
Instead, Sophie can take comfort in knowing that yes, she can’t escape him, but he can’t escape her either and he’ll likely be watching as she’s moving on with her new handsome beau (who thankfully doesn’t work at the company) – that’s penalty enough, surely.
She gushed about her new partner who she’s still in the honeymoon phase with, saying: ‘My new guy is a bit older than me and he’s treating me like I was never treated before – I feel loved in a way I can’t even describe.’
Now that’s some good karma there for you. Since he’s such a catch, Diana and I suggested another petty but satisfying way to show you’ve moved on.
‘You could get your handsome man to come and pick you for lunch,’ I said. It’s simple but effective – close that chapter once and for all.
But Sophie’s dilemma isn’t the only tea on the latest Just Between Us episode – Diana and I talk all things heartbreak, why it’s not a ‘you’ problem when your ex shows up for someone in ways they never did for you, and whether we’ve ever crossed lines in the workplace.
Listen to Just Between Us now, wherever you get your podcasts.
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