I married my husband – then we both fell in love with Kasey

Movie night is a nightmare in our house. We bicker over what to watch, with no one settling on one thing and then all of a sudden, it’s bedtime. 

It’s one of the trickiest parts of being in a relationship with three partners – we all like different things. 

My husband Aaron, 44, loves a good documentary, while our partner Kasey, 34, prefers true crime and horror. Meanwhile, I love drama and rom-coms.  

While we rarely agree on a film, we have a successful triad relationship.

Communication and emotional intelligence are two of the most important factors of any successful relationship, and in our polyamorous triad, it’s no different. 

When Aaron and I said our original wedding vows back in September 2006, I thought it would be the two of us. We’d been a couple since meeting in college and were both career-driven, loved to travel and enjoyed good food and wine tasting. 

But after tying the knot, we had no interest in starting a family. Instead, we were open-minded about experimenting with other partners.  

It was actually through being with Aaron that I realised I was bisexual. I had always been honest about feeling attracted to women but after getting together, I noticed how much I enjoyed fantasising about having threesomes with another woman. 

Aaron is straight but was open to helping me explore my desires. It was incredible to have a husband who was so supportive. Together, we tried the swinging scene at different lifestyle clubs and resorts, and by connecting with other people online. At first it was fun, but after about a decade we started to crave a deeper connection.

@drrachaelmeircoaching

Think throuples can’t last? We’ve heard it all before 🙄 Five years ago, Aaron, Kasey, and I were just like many of you—navigating the unique challenges of building a throuple relationship. The constant questions: How do we handle jealousy? What about living arrangements? Will society accept us? Fast forward to today—Aaron, Kasey, and I have built a life filled with love, understanding, and genuine connection. But it took work, lots of learning, and honestly… Some guidance would have made that journey so much smoother. That’s why if you’re in a triad facing these same questions, you’re not alone. I’ve created Thriving Throuples—a space where throuples like us can grow together and build lasting foundations. 💫💕 Remember, your throuple journey doesn’t have to be a solo adventure. DM me to learn more! 📩 thrivingthrouples triadrelationship throuplescoachingprogram2025 ethicalnonmonogamy consensualnonmonogamy nonmonogamy enm cnm polyamory polyamorous poly polyam polylife openmarriage openrelationships swingers enmcoach nonmonogamycoach relationshipcoach

♬ original sound – Dr. Rachael Meir Coaching – Dr. Rachael Meir Coaching

My career as a psychologist and couples counselor gave me the opportunity to learn about effective communication, conflict resolution and general relational dynamics, all of which helped Aaron and I build a secure relationship ourselves. 

I was the one to approach him with the idea of ethical non-monogamy. He was receptive and like me, wanted to ensure that our relationship stayed solid throughout. 

In summer 2019 we created a profile on dating app Bumble, explaining we were looking to form an equal partnership with a third person. We both felt strongly about dating together and that there would have to be a three-way attraction. 

Kasey was the first woman we met in-person over drinks at an outdoor bar. My stomach was in knots so I initially hid behind my sunglasses and let Aaron do the talking, loving listening to them bonding over football – something I can’t provide.   

As the sun set, I pushed up my shades and finally made eye-contact with Kasey. Sparks flew – it was love at first sight. Looking at Aaron, I knew he felt the chemistry, too. Kasey said later that she’d felt the same. 

We dated continuously for the next few months and made plans to be together. In December of that year, Aaron and I moved into Kasey’s townhouse.   

Coming out was difficult: All three of our families struggled at first. My family thought Aaron was in it for the younger woman; Aaron’s family thought I just wanted a same-sex relationship with Kasey; and Kasey’s family thought she was being taken advantage of.  

They needed time to understand that all three of us were in love – and thankfully they eventually came around when they saw how genuine our feelings were. 

Meanwhile, we moved to Florida and I began to specialise in coaching others who were negotiating ethical non-monogamy.   

I offer my clients guidance to ensure they are doing it for the right reasons. Couples should not be trying to fix a problem or fill a void in their marriage, and all parties should enthusiastically consent. Big emotions are natural but I am able to assure them that they can be worked through. 

Aaron, Kasey and I can’t legally marry as a triad but in November 2023 we held a beautiful commitment ceremony in Mexico. We now all think of each other as husband and wives.  

Kasey and I wore wedding dresses and walked down the aisle with Kasey’s dad, as my father is no longer with us. Aaron was escorted by all three mums. It felt special to have the backing of our families.   

The easiest way to describe our situation is that we have four relationships: There’s the relationship between me and Aaron; my relationship with Kasey; the relationship between Aaron and Kasey; and finally our relationship as a throuple.  

We experience intimacy across all four of those relationships and have different ways of spending time together. 

It helps to have a rota for our dates, with Aaron and Kasey watching football, Aaron and I cooking together, and Kasey and I enjoying exercise classes and girly rom-coms.  

We all work from home so sometimes things can get a little crowded. We combat this by taking time alone and in pairs – even travelling and holidaying alone or in pairs, as well as a triad.  

Disagreements can be hard, especially because it can feel like two against one. But in reality, the third person often acts as a mediating party to diffuse any tension, which works pretty well.  

It’s never just ‘my side’ and ‘your side’. A third point of view can help you see things you’ve missed and find ways to grow.

Could you make a polyamorous relationship work? Share your thoughts!Comment Now

People are fascinated with our sleeping arrangements and often ask if we all sleep together – we do, in our king-sized bed.

Another common question is whether our relationship is open to other relationships – it is not. For the past six years this has been a closed triad and we’re all monogamous within it.  

Since our commitment ceremony we’ve taken steps legally to make sure that we are all each other’s next of kin and we all have equal financial protections. 

Ethical non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, but in our relationship more people equals more love. 

As told to Jade Beecroft

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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