I was punished for not telling my boss about my disability

The day I was frog-marched out of the office felt like the climax to a horror movie.  

It started with the hiring manager hanging around the hallway for me mid-meeting looking agitated. Fast forward a few minutes and she’d whisked me off-site, told me to gather my belongings from my desk, and to leave immediately.

As I walked the seemingly endless office corridor for the last time, clutching on to my notepad and framed pictures of a cat from my desk, not a single person looked at me.  

I’d only been working there for a month, but the way I was asked to leave made me feel so much shame.

My crime? I’d not disclosed I had a mental illness on my job application. But one of the only reasons I didn’t declare it was because I didn’t believe they’d hire me if I had – and clearly I was right to be sceptical.

I now rely on disability benefits to supplement my income – but that is under threat due to the Government’s planned cuts.

I’d had a steady stream of jobs, but then I experienced psychosis for the first time in 1999 – although I didn’t know it at the time.

It started with a belief that I could gain weight just by watching DVDs. Another time I believed a contraceptive coil was fitted so the Government could spy on me.

I eventually got my diagnosis after an appointment with a psychiatrist. 

Day to day, psychosis can make me extremely anxious. For me, it’s made worse by stress so work can be tricky.

Nevertheless, when I saw the advert for the aforementioned job, I applied, sailed through the interview, and got offered it. I was thrilled.

But soon after starting it, I had an episode where I believed I was a shaman with superpowers. No one would have known I was going through this, though – the only tangible behaviour change is that I became withdrawn and put off food.

It all unravelled after one of my colleagues found and shared an article I had previously written, which ironically implored readers to be a little kinder to those of us who walk the tightrope of psychosis everyday and campaigned to reduce the stigma of my illness. To this day, I still don’t know what prompted them to look me up online.

That’s when I had a very brief meeting with HR, who said they were going to terminate my employment with immediate effect. They said that if I lied about my illness, what else had I lied about?

The meeting was so sad and distressing. I felt like a criminal and leaving the office in that way was so undignified.

This was ultimately detrimental to my mental health. Within six months, I was hospitalised and diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. 

Ever since that experience, I’ve struggled to deal with job rejection. I wonder whether it’s because someone has Googled me, or if I’m just not suited to the role. 

I’ve also found it hard to secure job interviews for roles I’m overqualified for and employers seem inflexible when I enquire if full-time roles might be split into job shares. 

Thankfully, I have landed on my feet. I now work about two days a week as a freelance writer and have increased my earnings to around £850 a month, with additional Universal Credit allowance and Personal Independence Payments. 

But this is under threat. In March, Work and Pensions Secretary Liz Kendall announced changes to the welfare system that could see my UC payments markedly reduced and my PIP axed completely – forcing me back into employment. 

I’m concerned these benefit cuts will only make the lives of people like me even more difficult. That’s why I welcome news that a growing number of Labour backbench MPs are planning to rebel and vote against the Government’s plans to cut disability benefits.

Thankfully, it looks like Keir Starmer is now willing to make concessions on his welfare bill, saying reforms should comply with ‘Labour values of fairness’.

This is important to get right because they are life-saving for people like me.

According to the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE), people with a serious mental illness – which includes psychosis and schizophrenia – are six to seven times more likely to be unemployed than the general population.

While I’ve been more fortunate than most, my monthly income is not really enough to live on

On top of that, the charity Action Mental Health found that 73% of UK employees report feeling unable to disclose their mental ill-health for fear that doing so would jeopardise their job status.  

Yes, there are plenty of successful people who also happen to have psychosis and schizophrenia – they are barristers, lecturers, doctors, and even CEOs – but they shouldn’t still feel compelled to hide this part of themselves due to the stigma.  

It’s a justified fear though, as I have personally witnessed people being discriminatory. 

After I mentioned to a family member how I was struggling to get job interviews, they told me: ‘I wouldn’t employ someone I know has a mental illness over someone without.’  

All of this makes me shudder, but – on reflection – would I really wish to work or be around managers with so little empathy towards people with mental illnesses? The answer is ‘no’ because I’ve learned to take such comments as red flags for places where it’s best I don’t work.  

At the end of the day, slashing our benefits – our safety net – is not the solution because it threatens to make life simply unbearable.  

While I’ve been more fortunate than most, my monthly income is not really enough to live on. I often put in extra hours, but still have to balance it carefully in order to stay well.  

It’s my hope that others will start to understand how debilitating conditions like psychosis can be and deepen respect for our vulnerabilities. They need to see our unique ways of thinking as strengths in the workforce, rather than singling us out for being different. 

I would love to write part-time and earn enough to get by because that would really boost my self-esteem. And I know this is achievable with the right support. 

We need progressive governments and employers to really turn over the tides of stigma and rigid work schedules. Not cuts, stigma, and unfair dismissals. 

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.