I was swiping aimlessly on Bumble when I matched with Dan*.
Based purely on aesthetics, he was very much my type. Tall, handsome, and a typical rugby player vibe. Guilty, I know.
We exchanged the usual chat – our jobs, where we’re from, and our passions and interests, including both loving sports, working out, and being outdoorsy.
He seemed charismatic, chatty, and to the point.
But as I found to my cost, his point was offensive and rude.
After a few days of back and forth, we agreed to meet for some drinks at a wine bar in the city on a Friday.
I was nervous, but genuinely excited to meet him. Then came a hitch.
On my way to the date, I flagged I was running about 10 minutes late due to public transport issues. He replied saying: ‘No rush – see you when you get here.’ I appreciated his understanding; it eased my nerves going into the date.
Pulling up to the bar seven minutes late, I saw him – and his enormous stature – and felt an immediate attraction.
With a nervous grin on my face, I approached the table he was at. That’s when he made a comment that immediately gave me an ick.
Before I’d even sat down he said: ‘Had you been five minutes later, I’d have left’. I laughed, thinking this was a joke, but his expression said otherwise. So much for ‘no rush’.
I was caught off guard and after apologising on behalf of the late bus — something I clearly didn’t have a lot of control over — unsure how to move the conversation on.
Fortunately, he softened and asked how my week had been. Still perplexed by his aggression, I drew a blank.
After desperately searching for words, all I could offer was: ‘Oh, um, not much!’ He looked at me flatly and spat, ‘Wow, what an exciting life you lead’.
Anyone in their right mind would’ve upped and left, but I panicked and asked him to tell me about his recent field trip. All while I necked the glass of wine he had (thoughtfully, to be fair!) ordered for me before I arrived.
As the date unfolded, he’d taken a strong interest in the fact I do CrossFit and the physique that comes with it.
He was quick to compliment my muscular quads and shoulders – his eyes doing a lap of my body – then met my eyes and seriously queried whether I had the personality to back it up.
‘I’m just trying to figure out if there’s more to you than gym chat and muscles,’ he sneered.
This marked the point where I was getting seriously fed up. I said: ‘If I have as much personality as you do unsolicited attitude, I’ll be just fine.’ Oddly, he seemed to enjoy this.
Throughout the evening, his snarky attitude continued. He puffed up his own ego by stating that if he doesn’t vibe on a date within five minutes, he’ll just get up and leave. I held his gaze and said, ‘Wow, you must really like me’.
What’s more, he was adamant that the gender pay gap ‘doesn’t exist’, and went on to spend a frightening about of time complaining about paying for dates with women and then never hearing from them again.
Had he a shred of self-awareness, he’d realise that it’s actually just financial compensation for behaving like a twat.
Finally, after two hours, the date came to a close. I’m a feminist — and scared of confrontation — so I offered to pay for half of our drinks. Not to mention half of the food that only he ate.
So, How Did It Go?
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He waved me off and footed the bill. Then we made our way outside, where I stood awkwardly as he stated: ‘I’ll send you my bank details for half of the bill if you could transfer me.’
My jaw dropped, as I stood aghast. Quite frankly exhausted by the whole experience, all I could muster was a polite ‘OK’ before I scurried away to catch my bus home.
Did I transfer him the money? Yes. Do I regret that? Yes! But I couldn’t risk the bad karma.
We didn’t speak after that because, hot as you may be, you’re fundamentally a loser with a bad attitude.
The moral of the story is, trust your instinct when you get the ick within five minutes of a date. And be assertive enough to leave it so you save yourself paying half a hefty bill.
*Name has been changed
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