I was breathless and getting shagged up against a wall.
If you had asked me 20 minutes before whether I would be getting laid tonight, I would have laughed at the mere notion.
Earlier, I had been sitting with Fred* in a local takeaway, scoffing down a cheeseburger and fries, with no plans to get naked.
Then again, technically I was still dressed at the time of our tryst – all top, no bottoms, Winnie-the-Pooh-style.
Fred and I had dated in the past but it just didn’t work out. We wanted different things, so we decided to just be friends.
But as I discovered when we met for a casual catch-up, the attraction we had felt back when we’d dated six months earlier was still very much alive.
As Fred walked me back to my place after our meal, he started making cheeky jokes to figure out if I still fancied him.
I responded by lifting an eyebrow and stroking his cheek.
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This night cemented Fred as one of my best sexual experiences ever and a big reason for this is that our shag was entirely unplanned.
And it made me realise how much better sex can be when it’s spontaneous and doesn’t involve masses of preparation.
Don’t get me wrong, I applaud anyone who goes above and beyond for their lover with things like candles, raunchy lingerie, sex toys or suggesting Kama Sutra-like sex positions.
But while these are helpful tools to spice things up, they can also add a lot of pressure – because the more effort made, the higher the expectation will be.
If you want great sex, sometimes it’s best not to overthink things.
I speak from personal experience.
The first time Russell* and I slept together, it was spontaneous.
We’d met on a night out through friends and ended up taking a taxi back to my place for some excellent sex.
It was extra hot because I didn’t really know much about him other than that he was funny, hot and made my insides tingle – and he’d already been vetted by mates, so I also felt safe.
As time went on, we fell into a strange ‘situationship’ for a few months, which I eventually ended – but a year or so later, Russell got back in touch.
Because I still fancied him a fair bit, I wanted to make our reunion ‘special’ and I went all out: candles all over the living room, a home-cooked meal and a sexy welcome with lacy lingerie.
The sex was decent enough but it didn’t come close to the explosive experience I had anticipated, which made me feel deflated.
In hindsight, I think Wyatt also felt a bit awkward about all of the effort I’d gone to. Instead of letting things naturally progress, I had tried to force a sexy atmosphere that was anything but.
The next time Wyatt and I met up, I did very little beyond showering and putting my make-up on.
To make this clear: I am not saying that effort equals bad sex – but simply that you might enjoy going with the flow more, when the build-up is entirely natural.
I once had a second date with a man who I had no intention of sleeping with at that stage but the sparks were flying – and we couldn’t resist following our natural urges.
We had missionary sex on my sofa, which might sound a bit boring but it was so bloody amazing that I could barely speak for several minutes after climaxing. I don’t remember if I had shaved my legs or which knickers I was wearing, and I couldn’t care less.
We needed to have sex with each other – everything else was just noise.
Don’t underestimate a strong attraction – it is far more powerful than a pre-scheduled night of wild sex will ever be.
What I have realised from my experiences – and which I hope to impart on you – is that sex is best when you are yourself, whatever that looks like in the moment.
Grabbing your partner for a quickie after a busy day at work, just because you fancy the pants off them and want to enjoy the feel of their body is really hot.
It’s okay to just enjoy your lover’s company without the extras.
In fact, I’d argue that it’s far more important to work on communication and connection, which can be as simple as talking or just laying in bed and holding each other.
Sex doesn’t need to be special to be great.
Just listen to your body and have fun.
*Names have been changed
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