‘If I didn’t want to work, I wouldn’t have gone to a thousand interviews’

Nobody enjoys applying for new roles, but for Londoner Moses Tai, life is one long job interview.

The dry mouth, racing mind and thumping heart that most of us experience during hiring meetings are daily occurrences for Moses, 46, who has spent ten years on a carousel of short term work contracts.

He blames his stilted career on a social anxiety that fills his days with panic and turns normal interactions to dread.

‘From the moment I wake up in the morning, I am in this mental state where it’s like I’m just floating or spinning. I’m not there. I’m just going through the motions,’ he tells Metro.

After completing a masters in IT at the University of Greenwich, Moses has a full CV and is well-qualified but when he gets to the interview stage, he experiences rushes of anxiety that render him speechless.

In a decade, he took on 20 short-term IT contracts as he struggled to maintain permanent work, many of which he lost.

Around 300,000 people with a long term mental health problem lose their jobs each year, and at a much higher rate than those with physical health conditions, according to official figures. Moses estimates that he has been to more than 1,000 interviews in a decade.

‘I just can’t cope with them – especially if they are face-to-face. It’s like mental torture,’ he explains. ‘I have this sensation, like I’m there, but I’m not there. I can’t focus, and people can see that. The few times that I have managed to get a job, I didn’t last long, because the workplace is like torture too.’

The office environment leaves Moses breathless and reeling when faced with even the simplest of tasks. ‘I feel this enormous pressure. People ask me questions, and I can’t answer. I just can’t talk. I should be able to cope with it, but I can’t,’ he says.

‘If my manager gave me some tasks that needed doing straight away, I would start panicking, and if there is a situation with a group of people, that would be a huge issue. I would be struggling and I couldn’t talk to anyone, or tell anyone what was going on.

‘For years, I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I went through that whole process of getting professional help with preparing a CV and tips for how to apply for jobs. I became very good at that but every time the interview came around, the same thing happened,’ he explains.

Moses, who was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in 2012, was offered counselling, but says he didn’t find it helpful as it seemed to only address the symptoms and not the root cause. He was also offered medication, but refused because he’s worried about addiction. 

Instead, he is left with his struggles which he fears make him seem standoffish and unlikeable. He is single and has few friends.

‘People think I am aloof, that I don’t want to talk to them or that I have an attitude. But actually, I’m just really suffering. One of the hardest things about depression and anxiety is how hard it can be to form relationships,’ Moses says sadly.

Rising living costs have taken a further toll on his mental health; he now struggles to afford food and everyday essentials and cannot afford to go out.

‘It makes the anxiety worse and the ability to connect with people and form relationships more difficult, because then I am dealing with the financial anxiety on top of everyone else,’ he explains. 

It’s a problem being seen across the nation, according to mental health charity Mind, who say problems have been exacerbated by Covid and the cost-of-living crisis.

Minesh Patel, Associate Director of Policy & Influencing for the charity says: ‘Across the UK people in the poorest fifth of the population are twice as likely to be at risk of developing mental health problems, compared to those on an average income. Money troubles and poor mental health have a cyclical relationship. If you’re struggling financially, you’re more likely to experience a mental health problem, and if you have a mental health problem, you’re more likely to struggle financially.

‘We cannot address the UK’s mental health crisis without tackling the many issues which surround insecure work. This includes low pay, and being entitled to access vital employment rights such as statutory sick pay.

‘Poverty and mental health problems need to be addressed together,’ he adds. ‘The government must stop the planned benefit cuts and make sure that people get the vital support they need, including mental health treatment.’ 

Meanwhile waiting times for mental health services are rising and those on the breadline are struggling to get financial support. Moses, who is no longer in employment, relies on Universal Credit, while others, like Shane, need Personal Independence Payments (PIP) to get by.

However, proposed changes to these lifelines under the Universal Credit And Personal Independence Payment Bill – to be debated in the Commons in the next few days – will change the eligibility criteria to save £5 billion a year by 2030.

The Joseph Rowntree Foundation has warned that proposed cuts to sickness and disability benefits could leave those with long-term mental health conditions facing unprecedented reductions in their income and a group of more than 100 Labour MPs have put forward an amendment to try to block the cuts.

Shane, who uses the pronouns they/them, loved their job as a youth worker but was forced to hand in their notice at the start of the year as the physical and mental demands of the role got too much.

Shane has generalised anxiety disorder, low mood disorder, and suspected PTSD, alongside Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. They also have a raft of physical health problems including Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) and hyper mobility that requires them to relocate their shoulders daily.

The 27-year-old from Manchester, says: ‘Being on a low income and stuck on waiting lists is a spiral. I’ve been waiting to see a psychiatrist since May 2023 and for NHS talking therapy since June last year. You’re always asking yourself, do I have enough for rent and bills? All the stress makes it harder to manage my mental health, and that in turn makes it harder to work.

‘When my physical health crashes, my mental health plummets, because I’m frustrated at not being able to do what I want without pain or fatigue,’ Shane explains. The hobbies that they used to love; climbing, roller skating and martial arts, are inaccessible now due to chronic health problems, so distractions are harder to find.

Shane wants people to understand that it’s not as easy to claim benefits as some believe. ‘There’s still so much stigma around mental health. People assume you’re lazy if you can’t keep up, and politicians talk as if we want free money. They don’t see the endless admin, forms and tribunals you have to navigate just to prove you’re disabled.

‘I want to work, but physically I’m not able to – I have to know my limits. I enjoy working with young people; it’s fulfilling. But it’s also completely exhausting and draining, because you’re taking on the problems that they have, while also dealing with all of the stuff that’s going on in my own life.

Shane copes by spending time with friends in queer spaces and going to a weekly support group at Manchester Mind. ‘And leaning on my mum,’ they add. ‘I’m in my second year of counselling at Arden University, and that structure helps, but balancing study, benefits administration and health appointments still takes a heavy toll. It shouldn’t be this hard.’

Fed up with the disappointing cycle of losing job after job, in 2019, Moses decided to set up his own organisation, African Development Choices, to support rural African communities. Building the charity and leading a team of volunteers has given him renewed purpose and helped him to feel much better, as well as work in a lower-stress way that suits him better.

The difference he has seen to his mental health has been dramatic; where once he would have been unable to hold a conversation about his depression and anxiety, he has been able to talk to Metro with a newfound ease and confidence – and he has written a book about his plans for the future.

The charity is yet to start fundraising, so Moses doesn’t receive any income, but he hopes he will one day be able to sustain himself so he never has to apply for jobs again.

He adds: ‘I’ve now recruited a team of volunteers from all over the world, the organisation is fully set up and we’re ready to start doing work. This is what’s giving me optimism for the future and the energy to push on.

‘I now have something to focus on and a sense that I can achieve something with my life. It’s brought me a renewed sense of hope.’ 

Mind’s welfare benefits line can offer advice on the benefits you may be entitled to, cost of living support and benefit appeals. You can speak to an adviser on 0300 222 5782 or visit mind.org.uk/helplines.