I’m 16 – my boss’s question about my sex life disgusted me

I was sitting in the work van with my boss when he asked a question that made my skin crawl. 

Putting down his cup, lighting a cigarette, and turning to me, he said leeringly: ‘So have you and your girlfriend done anal yet?’ 

I’m 16 years old. This was my first job and I’d been working for Steve* for a couple of months.

At the moment, I’m studying engineering at college part-time and wanted a job so I could help out at home. Steve is the boss and owner of the company, where we mainly visit sites and perform maintenance.

When I first got the job, I was so happy. It seemed like a professional place and Steve and Jim* – the only other staff members, in their 50s and 30s, respectively – were alright at first.

But it took Steve two weeks of working together for his behaviour towards me to go downhill. He would often call me a ‘pussy’ and say things like ‘are you f**king deaf’ or ‘are you f**king stupid’ if I didn’t hear or understand what he said.

He didn’t properly teach me how to do things, but shouted at me if I made a mistake.

While all of that was horrible enough, the worst part was that Steve and Jim talked about sex and hardcore pornography all the time. They passed their phones between them, watching porn clips and photos, and waved them in my face.

It felt so gross and uncomfortable that a man over three decades older than me was trying to talk to me about porn.

I wanted to ask him to stop but I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to upset them and I felt like I had to look at the images because I didn’t want to be called a ‘pussy’. So I did.

Steve would also ask me about my sex life with my girlfriend. He seemed obsessed with anal sex and continually asked me if I’d done it and when I was going to do it.

He would then take the piss out of me when I refused to talk about it. He once held out his phone and said, ‘look at this photo of my c**k.’

I looked away as he laughed hysterically. Everything he did was excused as ‘just a joke’. 

To make matters worse, they’d often point out women on the street and say things like ‘she’d get it’ – or worse. Once, at a care home, Steve made thrusting movements with his hips behind a woman when she was bending forward.

I was terrified that she would see him and I felt so embarrassed. He would always laugh at me when my face went red, I hated it. 

I’m disappointed that this was my first experience of a workplace

One day, after hours of listening to Steve talk about porn and them both shouting at me, I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I got home and ran straight to my room.

My mum came to check on me. That’s when I ended up telling her everything – all about the sex talk, the inappropriate questions, the ‘jokes’ and how they would always shout and swear at me.

She was shocked. She told me that what I’d been going through was called workplace bullying.

As soon as she said that, it made sense. That’s why I felt so miserable going to work every day.

I had thought that this was just what working in a trade was like – that it was just ‘banter’ – and that I was the one with the problem for not being able to just go along with it all.  

She was disgusted and upset that two grown men could put a child through what I’d been dealing with. She told me that I didn’t have to go back and I felt so relieved.

We wrote an email to Steve the next day explaining why I wouldn’t be returning to work. I felt a little sick when we sent it off.

He replied and tried to blame me for everything. He said that I was lazy and disinterested.

He also said that the sex talk was just ‘banter’ and that I’d have to ‘toughen up’ if I wanted to work in a manual labour role. It was exactly what my mum expected him to say, and she had warned me that he might try and turn it around on me.

I want to work for a boss I can look up to, not someone who enjoys humiliating me

My mum pointed out that if Steve had genuine issues about my performance at work, he should have discussed them with me in a professional manner. He never did that.   

In the aftermath, I’ve spoken to some college friends and a few of them have experienced this type of behaviour too. They’ve listened to their older colleagues cat-call women, comment on their figures, and seen them pass porn around on their phones. 

I’m disappointed that this was my first experience of a workplace, but hopeful that not all bosses will be like Steve. 

Since leaving, I’ve been looking for something new, but the competition for part-time work in my area is really high and I haven’t found anything yet. There’s a part of me that’s worried I’ll end up in the same situation. 

But I want to work for a boss I can look up to, not someone who enjoys humiliating me. And I need bosses to know just how their ‘banter’ can affect the boys who work for them. 

This article was originally published May 29, 2025

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing James.Besanvalle@metro.co.uk. 

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