‘I’m an elite matchmaker – sometimes you don’t know who you’re talking to until NDAs are signed’

In the new movie Materialists, there’s a scene where Dakota Johnson’s character Lucy is presented with pink heart-shaped cake, adorned with sparklers.

‘How many marriages are you responsible for now?’ someone in the small watching crowd of women asks. ‘Nine,’ Lucy replies looking sheepishly pleased with herself.

It may be a fictitious scene, but according to those in the know, it’s not too far from the truth. After all, the film is based on experiences by writer and director Celine Song, who previously worked as a matchmaker in New York City before embarking on her movie-making career.

London-based Alice Bargh has worked at numerous agencies as a matchmaker for six years and says plenty of elements in the film – which sees Lucy try and set up super-wealthy Adam (Pedro Pascal) – ring true to her experience.

‘When you’re dealing with ultra-high net worth clients, it definitely raises the stakes,’ she tells Metro via Zoom. ‘They’re paying a lot of money, and discretion is key. A lot of the clients we deal with are looking for things related to appearance or salary – things that are, essentially, materialistic.

‘Building trust is essential and vetting appropriate clients for the right connection is essential.’

It’s true that people accessing the services of a matchmaker tend to have a significant disposable income; services tend to start at around £1000, and can go up to £5000 for basic services. Meanwhile, the higher-end agencies can charge as much as £50,000 per client.

‘When it’s a really wealthy or important client, sometimes we have to communicate them through their personal assistants or minders,’ Alice continues. ‘It can be pressured. Sometimes you don’t even know who you’re talking to until NDAs are signed.

‘One client insisted any match had to go first class like she did and fly on her private jet, but she expected them to always pay the bill. I also had a gentleman in his 60’s who would only date women 35 and under. He showed me photos of exes on board his yacht, all of whom had a similar look.

‘Often the individuals themselves are very charming when you meet them in person and once the minders are no longer involved. That’s when, as matchmakers, the trust and rapport begins.’

Finding the unicorn

In what may seem a reversal to what’s expected, it’s actually men, not women, that matchmakers are desperate to add to their books. Finding one that can be considered a decent catch for a well-paying female client can be tough; it’s why Pedro Pascal’s character Adam is referred to as a unicorn.

 ‘A unicorn man is someone who is wealthy, tall and open to the process of matchmaking,’ Alice explains. But they come with their own high expectations. ‘He is looking for a unicorn woman who usually is someone very successful but has a feminine side and likes to keep active.

‘Again, it’s all materialistic. There’s a lot of checklists that they want met. Sometimes, these things can match on paper but there’s no spark in real life.

‘I once matched two people who, on every level, were a flawless fit – a dream match on paper. After their date? Polite feedback. They liked each other but had no chemistry. I suggested a second date, as sometimes sparks fly slower, but they both passed.

‘Traditional matchmaking sees this all the time, clients just don’t always know what emotional connection really means for them.’

Fellow matchmaker Giovanna Smith says her success comes down to another type of connections. 

‘I go to lots of networking events,’ she explains. ‘I forge links with big companies, and get invited to a lot of things. I get recommended a lot too – even nowadays, word of mouth goes a long way.’ 

Her method clearly works. A former social worker, Giovanna decided to take the plunge into the matchmaking business only last year and already has two weddings under her belt, as well as beginning to launch her services over in Dubai.

‘Though it is important to manage expectations,’ Giovanna adds. ‘Sometimes there are older men who only want to date women in their twenties, so I do tell clients if it’s not realistic. Clients might say they want a particular sort of partner, but really, they don’t know what they want.’

‘I can spot a narcissist quickly’

Of course, there is uncertainty when it comes with matching up two strangers. In Materialists, one client is assaulted by someone her matchmaker sets her up with.

Ensuring safety is tough; matchmaking agency tend to take clients’ passports to ensure each person is who they say they are. Newer agencies have additional verification and vetting processes, such as criminal records.

‘We do our utmost,’ says Alice, who, alongside Giovanna, is registered with the Association of British Introduction Agencies (ABIA). ‘We don’t necessarily take on everyone who can access our services.

‘I’ve been doing this for a long time, and I can spot a narcissist quickly. I have had some guys sit opposite me, and I just think ‘I wouldn’t send my mate on a date with you.’

Giovanna agrees. ‘I go into each person’s home that I’ve worked with to see how they are and get a real gauge of who this person is.

‘Dating is very intimate and personal so it’s important we do what we can to ensure we know who the people we’re introducing are.

‘I tell clients not to let anyone walk them to their address or home, and suggest they go to quieter coffee shops to really talk than loud, noisy bars. Safety rules are a big thing.’

Matchmakers also have their own rules; in the movie Dakota Johnson’s character dates her client – which both Alice and Giovanna say is a no-no for them.

Giovanna adds that she wouldn’t even be a matchmaker for her family or friends. ‘I’ve never tried to, but I would find it messy and not really ethical. You’re too close to everyone and it will become far too personal.

‘Matchmaking is a profession. You have to keep a distance.’

What makes a good matchmaker? 

At 25, Alice knows she’s certainly on the younger side of the business; she first started working while she was still at university.

‘My golden rule is that it’s important to be honest from the outset,’ she says. ‘It’s important to facilitate the awareness that love takes time. A lot of it can appear transactional, so we explain there’s more to finding a match than give and take.’

Meanwhile, Giovanna believes the skills she learned as a social worker,  in addition to her her own relationship history, helps: ‘I’m married, I’ve had good relationships, I’ve had bad relationships. I know red flags, green flags. I’m an expert at what I do, which builds a rapport with clients that they think: ‘Yeah. I trust this lady.’’

Both matchmakers have busy books despite the popularity of dating apps – although Alice believes app fatigue is on the rise. (She’s not wrong – big hitters such as Tinder and Bumble report a decline in users.)

‘The burnout is real. Apps make everything like a game and leads to poor behaviour, like disrespect and ghosting. It’s little wonder people are opting out and trying something else,’ she says.

However, that doesn’t mean matchmaking can’t learn from the apps. Giovanna has implemented a deeply thorough compatibility test, not dissimilar to how algorithms take data to assess suitable partnerships. Alice, meanwhile, is now the co-founder of Kindrid; a unique matchmaking service which offers curated events as well as coaching.

While she hasn’t necessarily used the skills she’s developed as a matchmaker in her own dating life, it has made Alice more aware of how people actually want introductions and dates to go.

‘I think success looks different to everyone,’ Alice says. ‘For me, seeing someone find a connection where they feel held is really important. It doesn’t need to be marriage and babies. It could be dating for six months, or finding real friendship or companionship.

‘It’s what they feel in that moment.’

Materialists is in cinemas now.

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