An unexpected pregnany can kickstart a wave of conflicting emotions – and that’s before other people weigh in with their two cents.
This week, we hear from a reader who’s had a positive test at 17 years old. Everyone around her has a different opinion, so how can she make up her mind?
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to read last week’s Sex Column, where we heard from a reader who was fed up of being ‘hidden’ from his girlfriend’s children.
The problem:
I have a great relationship with my boyfriend and love his family to bits. His parents are very laid back, and he has three sisters and two brothers who all squash together into a small house. No one ever argues and I love it there.
My own life is quite different; I have no siblings and live in a great big house with just my mum. Dad left when I was still a baby, and I’ve never known him. I love my mum, but we’re not close.
She desperately wants me to be something ‘big’ like a doctor or a lawyer and I’m supposed to go to university next year. She herself had me at 19 and didn’t fulfil her own ambitions, so now it’s down to me.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend and I were a bit careless about taking precautions during sex and I’m now pregnant at 17. I’ve told my mum and she immediately said she would pay for a termination and that I need to organise one as soon as possible.
My boyfriend’s family on the other hand, are absolutely thrilled at the prospect of having a baby in the family. They’ve said I can move in with them and bring up the child there until we can get a place of our own.
I do love my boyfriend, but also know there is so much more out there for me to experience. He wants me to keep the baby but Mum is desperate for me to have an abortion. I feel so torn.
The advice:
You’ve told me what your mum, your boyfriend and his family want, but in this situation, it really does boil down to what you want. I know you’re torn and confused but try not to listen to everyone else’s opinion – this is so important, it really has to be your decision.
Think about your future and where you would like to be this time next year. You could either be a very young mum, living with your boyfriend and all that entails, or you could be getting ready for all the adventures of university. Which option do you feel most drawn to?
Remember there are nearly always second chances at this stage in your life – not just another chance to have a baby, but also a second chance to have a career. You need to think very carefully, but also very quickly, before you reach any conclusions.
It might be tough, but it really is vital that you make the decision for yourself and aren’t left feeling angry because other people’s opinions – including mine – have influenced you to behave in a certain way. But if you decide that a termination is the right option, you need to act fast.
You’re still only 17 and have your whole life ahead of you, so ignore the background chatter and listen to the voice inside your head.
Trust in your ability to make the right choice, and promise yourself that you’ll make a success of whatever you decide.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
