‘I’m so sorry I’m early – but my husband hasn’t been well, and we’re so excited to start our holiday,’ I say.
It’s April 2019 and I don’t need to look at my watch to know I’m two hours early for our hotel check-in. The man behind the hotel reception desk is a little taken aback by my verbal diarrhoea, but agrees to see if our room might be ready.
‘I’ve always wanted to stay here,’ I say, continuing to beam at him as he taps away on his computer. ‘My husband will be in soon – he’s just exhausted from all his cancer treatments, so he’s resting outside in the car for a bit.’
Everything I’m saying is perfectly true, but I’m saying it for a reason.
As the hotel employee looks up at me, I’m gently dabbing at my eyes with a sad expression. He smiles so sympathetically that I know I’ve been successful.
Bingo. I can tell we’ve got both an early check-in and a room upgrade.
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How do I know? Well, I’m quite the expert on reading staff. After all, I’ve been doing this for 17 years.
It all started in 2008 when I watched a restaurant table of diners celebrating someone’s birthday. Free champagne was brought out, as well as a lovely dessert for the birthday girl.
While I joined in singing ‘Happy Birthday’ with the other diners, it got me thinking: ‘How do the staff actually know it’s a real birthday?’
I mentioned this to my husband and said we should try it when we were next out.
He looked uncomfortable. Kev is extremely honest and trustworthy, but he’d describe me more as the maverick type.
Anyway, he forgot all about that conversation until a year later in 2009, when we were booked into a restaurant for my 42nd birthday.
I’d made the booking and told them it was my 40th.
Hilariously, the kitchen staff came out with two glasses of free champagne for us and a complimentary cake with ‘40’ iced on it. Everyone sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me and I lapped it up.
Kev was mortified initially – but he soon got into character, clinking his glass of bubbles to mine while rolling his eyes as the whole restaurant sang.
A free drink and dessert covered in one swoop: I felt like I’d won the lottery. My addiction to bagging freebies had begun.
Over the years, from hotels and restaurants I’ve winged free desserts, drinks, room upgrades, early check-ins and even free breakfasts on ‘Room Only’ deals.
Sometimes, just asking can get you a free breakfast – but you’re more likely to get one if you mention the shower was running cold or you had a noisy bedroom next door.
We once had to unblock our en suite toilet, saving the staff a job – so I insisted on some complimentary drinks vouchers. At hotel bar prices, that’s a huge saving.
This all extends to shopping, too. When buying make-up or perfume, I won’t make a purchase until I have a huge bag of goodies – if I’m spending £100 on perfume, I’m getting as much of the free samples as I can.
Be polite, but ask: What deals do you get if you purchase this item? If there isn’t a particular offer, then ask if there are any samples that you can try for a different look. Once the samples are out, you can take your pick.
This really does work. I’m still using freebies I got 10 years ago!
My haggling is legendary among my family and friends. They don’t want to witness it – but they’re more than happy to share in my good fortunes.
From staff, I mostly get the same reaction – and complimentary upgrades – as I did from the hotel employee that time in 2019; but occasionally, I’ll come across my freebie nemesis.
It’s usually a middle-aged woman who’s seen it all and knows the moves of someone like me (the freebie blagger usually arrives early and starts with a charm offensive). Ideally, I would avoid these nemeses at all costs, but with no young or male staff to pick from, it might just be me and them.
If I’m not feeling it, though, I won’t even bother to try. Failure can ruin your whole day.
There was one incident, for example, when I tried an early check-in at a hotel – but the reception employee wasn’t budging. I kept going – failure was not an option this time, as I’d booked a budget room with no view. We were also over an hour early and had nowhere to wait until our room was ready.
I kept at it, all my usual arsenal now depleted – but I was met with a stony look and a brick wall to stare at for the next 18 hours. Near tears, I had to admit defeat.
To this day, I have never gone back to that hotel.
I’ve had far more success than failures, though, so I’d say: Always try. Nobody minds if you ask. Take a deep breath and just make the suggestion of what you want to the staff member. Start the conversation. You’ll soon get a feel of when to persist and when to walk away. Follow your instincts.
Just don’t pin all your hopes on success or rely on a good outcome.
Sometimes, hotel staff will still give you a meal discount or a complimentary drink voucher even if they can’t upgrade your room. All these are wins just for being brave.
And most of all: Be polite and friendly. Staff are allowed to upgrade or give extras away but will only do it for people that are courteous.
Despite the odd setback, I have no doubt my freebie blagging days will continue well into my old age. I’ve no intention of paying full price for my blue rinse and perm, either – and I can just see myself haggling a care home room upgrade.
You never know.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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