The concept of a rape fantasy is nothing new, but slowly, it’s being rebranded.
Kink enthusiasts are referring to this controversial desire as a ‘ravishing fantasy’, scrubbing the word rape from the conversation.
It’s been increasingly discussed in subreddits, and in October, it was a topic of conversation on the culture podcast Every Outfit.
Chelsea Fairless told her co-host Lauren: ‘Actually I’m pretty sure rape fantasies are now called ravishment fantasies.’ She likened it to other ‘new terms’, suggesting it’s similar to saying ‘unhoused’ instead of homeless.
But scholars have long since been confused about the true meaning of ‘ravishment’. Rape is not ‘delightful’ nor ‘entrancing’ as the Google definition of ‘ravishing’ suggests, and it caught the attention of history professor Dr Shannon McSheffrey and archivist Julia Pope back in 2012, too.
They claimed late medieval English legal definitions of ravishment ‘conflated categories we would think of as separate’, including ‘forced coition (rape), abduction, and elopement’.
Even the Latin root work raptus means ‘seized’ and can denote a state of overwhelming excitement or ecstasy, a sudden seizure or fit (especially in a medical context), or a historical term for abduction, which Dr McSheffrey says could imply the ‘carrying away of a woman to violate her sexually’.
It’s this confusion and possible soft-pedalling of rape that experts have branded ‘extremely harmful’.
‘To call it ravishing is downplaying the impact – it applies pressure to allow this fantasy to happen, downplaying the severity of it,’ BACP therapist Jayne Booth, who works with survivors of domestic violence and sexual abuse, tells Metro.
‘Ravishing plays into the trope girls and women are indoctrinated with from a very young age – think of fairy stories where the “prince” or whoever rescues the damsel and ravishes her; it portrays it as something “romantic” or exciting, when in fact it is just becoming an excuse for abuse.’
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It’s not that men or women can’t have rape fantasies, in fact a 2020 survey of 4,000 Americans found 61% of women fantasised about being raped. Being forced to have sex is also a fixture in the ‘dark romance’ genre in erotic fiction, which was the most popular genre with listeners this year on audio porn platform Bloom Stories.
It’s the term ravishment being used to replace rape that therapist Jayne takes issue with, since she’s concerned it ‘reflects the decriminalisation of the offence’. In the UK’s current legal and cultural landscape though, she’s not surprised.
‘Given rape cases are taking so long to get to court (two years on average) – there’s very little support for victims, and they’re subjected to so much intrusion in their life they’re reluctant to engage with the criminal justice system – it seems a “natural” progression for “ravishing” to be introduced,’ Jayne explains. ‘It takes away any responsibility around consent or even communicating with your partner.’
She likens it to the rough sex defence, which was used in the murder case of British-born Grace Milane, whose attacker claimed she’d died accidentally after asking to be strangled during sex.
‘Anyone in the BDSM community will explain consent is everything – there are open discussions about expectations, what are no go areas, the introduction of a safe word, and even contracts,’ Jayne adds.
She feels it’s important the severity of this fantasy, which could end in a genuine rape or sexual assault if carried out incorrectly, isn’t downplayed.
The growth of the term ‘ravishing’ is worrying when 739,000 women are raped and sexually assaulted every year, according to Rape Crisis, and Jayne says this is particularly ‘dangerous’ given political developments.
‘The right wing movement is hijacking the campaign to stop violence against women and girls by introducing race into it,’ she says. ‘Focusing on small boats takes the lens away from the men in this country – the most violence committed against girls and women happens in the home.
‘This means men don’t have to look at their behaviour or consider the daily misogyny which continues to impact on females. This rebranding seems to be in line with this, a reluctance to consider behaviour, which isn’t just confined to the ‘bedroom’, it’s how you speak about women, how you interact with women, whether you access porn, and make sexist jokes.’
And legal partner at Corker Binning, Henrietta Ronson, who specialises in criminal litigation and sexual offences, agrees the blurred lines of this sexual fantasy is a legal nightmare.
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‘The key difference between fantasy and the reality of a non-consensual act of rape or ravishment, is the fantasy itself and the parameters as communicated between the parties,’ Henrietta tells Metro.
‘If parties rely on vague or historically loaded terminology (for example “ravish”, “take”, “conquer”) as a demonstration of their intentions in respect of sexual activity, it becomes difficult for the police/prosecution or courts to determine precisely what was agreed and whether consent was given, withdrawn or whether there was reasonable belief that person was consenting.’
Henrietta adds that while risky sexual fantasies aren’t new, ‘this trend could dilute communication between the two people engaging in sexual activity’.
‘This increases the risk of misunderstandings, and exposes people both to the risk of their withdrawal of consent not being respected, and to allegations of sexual offences where a suspect believed their actions to be within the permitted boundaries of a previously articulated fantasy scenario.’
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