Like JoJo Siwa, I dated a man after women — we’re not ‘fake lesbians’

Throughout their time in the Celebrity Big Brother house earlier this year, JoJo Siwa and Chris Hughes were generally inseparable for the entirety of the two-week social experiment, whether cuddling together in bed or enjoying a few memorable chats in the hot tub.

Former Dance Moms star JoJo also made a couple of realisations about her gender and sexuality while inside the house, notably stating that she could potentially identify as non-binary, that she was still exploring her gender identity, and even changing her label from lesbian to queer.

They later went on to confirm their relationship to fans, having posted a slew of loved-up selfies on social media, including one shared on Chris’ Snapchat showing JoJo asleep on his chest.

What I can’t shake from my mind, though, is the endless criticism that JoJo has faced in the wake of CBB. The worst bit? Many of them are LGBTQ+ – and it reeks of bi and queerphobia.

‘What happened to gay pop?’ @funinika previously penned on X, formerly Twitter, while @MissTostapane said that the ‘straightification of JoJo Siwa wasn’t on my bingo card.’

‘Chris Hughes posting a picture of himself in bed with the self-proclaimed inventor of gay pop, JoJo Siwa, on the first day of Pride Month has got to be some sort of homophobia?’ @brvttie added, and @lesbianyoshi accused JoJo of being a ‘lesbophobe.’

Now, speaking on Sirius XM’s Smith Sisters Live, JoJo has once again addressed her sexuality – and the hate she’s received since leaving the house. And as a bisexual person, it’s struck a chord with me.

‘Just because I’m in a hetero relationship does not mean I’m straight. And okay, just say all of a sudden I said, “yeah, I’m straight”. Awesome. Who cares? Great. Beautiful. I’m still an ally then,’ she said.

She went on to clarify that she’s ‘not straight’ just because she’s ‘in love with a man,’ adding: ‘My past doesn’t get to be discredited though because of that.’

‘The first time I ever fell in love with somebody was with a woman. And she was my best friend. And we had an incredible relationship. I’ve obviously been in a relationship with other women and non-binary people and now I’m with a man,’ she said.

Like JoJo Siwa, I too changed how I identified – but having previously dated women, the fact that I’ve been dating a man for the last six years doesn’t make me any less bisexual.

The first time I came out – when I was about 18, following a few drunken confessions to my friends on nights out – I told the world I was bisexual. But a couple of years later, having only really dated women while I was at university, I changed my label to lesbian for a brief period. At the time, it felt the most fitting, and I confidently explored my identity.

Fast forward to 21, though, and I boomeranged back to bi. Shortly afterwards, I met my partner, and the rest is history.

Time and time again, though, I’ve felt invalidated for being a queer woman who is dating a man.

There have been times where I’ve been made to feel like switching my label was somehow a betrayal of my queer identity (friends have jokingly suggested that I ‘was a lesbian’ until I met my boyfriend), and that I’m ‘less than’ for choosing to date a man when I could date a woman instead. But that’s not how falling in love works, is it?

I don’t choose people to date purely based on their gender; for me, it’s personality and shared interests that are attractive. And in the future, I actively want my kids to know that I’m not straight – even if I might be married to a man.

Likewise, any suggestion that I’m heterosexual because I’m in a straight-facing relationship is offensive to me – and I’m forever correcting people along these lines.

While I might be dating a man and I recognise the privilege that this affords me in situations that might be unsafe for LGBTQ+ couples in same-sex relationships, the simple fact that I’m bisexual means it innately doesn’t fit the definition of a ‘straight’ relationship.

Just because my partner isn’t a woman – and I changed how I identify a couple of times – that doesn’t mean that I’m not as equally as queer as a woman who is dating another woman.

I’m forever wanting to stay connected with my community; I never stopped going to LGBTQ+ clubs, and Pride is still a yearly event in my calendar. It always will be.

So, the fact that JoJo Siwa is now seeing a man doesn’t make her any less queer. And while I don’t necessarily condone the circumstances in which they got together – with JoJo’s ex-partner forced to watch their relationship unfold and eventually being broken up with less than 24 hours after she left the house – sexuality can be very fluid.

It’s offensive to suggest that she’s somehow ‘less than’ or a ‘fake lesbian’ because she realised that her previous label wasn’t quite the right fit. It happens.

Admitting as such takes guts, particularly in the public eye; sometimes, we’re not born knowing everything about ourselves. We have to take a little bit of time to explore it – and that’s OK.

This article was originally published on June 2, 2025.

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