Lily Allen’s West End Girl is the breakup album of 2025 — but what do you do if your partner cheats?
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It’s been a week to the day since Lily Allen released her first album in seven years, aka the breakup album of the year. And boy, is it a wild ride. The 40-year-old hitmaker dropped West End Girl last Friday with little warning to fans, who soon discovered it was a semi-autobiographical project detailing the breakdown of her relationship with ex-husband, David Harbour. For those who have been living under a pop culture rock, Lily and the Stranger Things star ended their five-year marriage earlier this year, after allegations of infidelity on David’s part floated around the internet. Now, Lily has bared all, with songs like Madeline and Tennis allegedly exposing his cheating. (Picture: Murray Chalmers PR/PA Wire)
Lily, who talks about her and David’s open relationship in the album, isn’t the only one who has experienced adultery. In 2023, Illicit Encounters, the UK’s ‘leading married-dating website’ — Britain’s answer to Ashley Madison — reported that cheating in this country is more common than you think. Statistics showed that 18 to 20% of married couples experience infidelity at some point in their relationships. Other stats showed that 67% of men have cheated more than once, while for women, it was 53%. With such high figures, Metro spoke with Claire Rénier, relationship expert at real-life dating app happn, to unpack what you should do if your partner cheats. Besides releasing an iconic album, that is. (Picture: Sean Zanni/WireImage)
Communicate rather than confront
‘First things first, talk to your partner about your feelings so you can broach the subject in a non-accusatory way,’ Claire says. You need to establish that they actually are cheating first before the damage is done, and if you’re navigating an open relationship, you may not be familiar with the signs of cheating in a relationship of this type. ‘It’s tempting to dive into detective mode, but honest, calm communication can be more revealing,’ the expert adds. If you are in this situation, Claire encourages you to start with open questions like, ‘Is there something going on that we need to talk about?’ This is instead of accusations, as they can shut down the truth or start an argument. Or, talk about how you feel about some of the red flags, like ‘When you act distant and cold, it makes me think something isn’t right.’ (Picture: Getty Images)
Take time to make a decision
If you’ve established that your partner is cheating, it will be heartbreaking and a violation of your trust. Claire says you need to assess what kind of infidelity it was: Was it emotional cheating? Was it a one-off act? Did it involve anything physical? If it was part of an open relationship, as in Lily Allen’s case, Claire says you’ll need to assess if it crossed the boundary of what was mutually agreed on as the terms for the open relationship. ‘Question whether you think you can move past the infidelity and rebuild trust,’ she says. ‘Don’t rush into a decision; instead, take a day or two of space to gain clarity, as finding out about infidelity can cloud your judgment.’ Whether it’s ending things or trying to rebuild trust, Claire says your decision should come from a place of calm, not chaos. (Picture: Getty Images)
Clear the air and rebuild trust together
‘If you decide you can work through the issue, you need to discuss and clarify your feelings as a couple,’ states Claire. ‘Set expectations moving forward, and forgive and move on.’ You can’t hold it against them for every little thing or build resentment, otherwise the relationship won’t recover. Claire stresses that trust can be rebuilt, but only if both parties are willing. ‘Some couples come back stronger after it, but only when the cheater takes accountability and the betrayed partner genuinely wants to rebuild.’ (Picture: Getty Images)
Claire also recommends couples counselling to help process and work through it with a professional. ‘Despite this, you will need to consider the ramifications of staying together.’ For example, knowing that your partner has cheated on you may mean that your friends and family may be less supportive of your relationship, particularly if they have been your shoulder to cry on. However, if you decide that you can’t move past the infidelity or are unable to navigate the open relationship in the face of this, you need to leave the relationship and end it. ‘Walking away can be a form of self-respect. If your trust has been shattered, choosing yourself isn’t selfish; it’s self-care. It’s not a reflection of your worth either, as the cheating was their choice, rather than a reflection of your value.’ (Picture: Getty Images)
Allow yourself to feel your feelings
Being cheated on is an emotional experience. It can provoke feelings of betrayal, anger and sadness. It may also cause feelings of low self-esteem and confidence, insecurity about yourself and your relationship, as well as bitterness and resentment for how they treated you, Claire notes. Even if you choose to leave the relationship, she says the emotional impact of being a victim of infidelity can follow you into new relationships, and not only just the romantic ones, as you may find it harder to trust others. ‘With this in mind, it’s important that you give yourself the space to express your emotions, as bottling things up can be harmful in the long run.’ (Picture: Getty Images)
Think of the practicalities
‘Relationships don’t just involve your feelings,’ Claire says. Partners are often entangled practically through living together, having joint finances, and even shared assets or children. When considering next steps, it’s ‘crucial to know where you stand both financially and legally, and who you can turn to for advice.’ This could be someone from your bank, or even a lawyer who specialises in divorces or family law, if this is relevant to your situation. (Picture: Getty Images)
Lean on your support system
Finally, throughout this really challenging period, Claire stresses the importance of confiding in friends, family, or even a therapist. ‘You should talk to people who can help you process what happened without judgment. Talking it through can help give perspective and make you feel less alone.’ (Picture: Getty Images)
