Mothers hold, fathers disappear

By Susana Reina/Latinoamérica21

Clara has been separated from José for three years. They have two small children. At first, he complied with the pension, although irregularly and after many reminders. Over time, the payments became more spaced out until they disappeared. José says that his income is unstable, that he is “doing what he can.” Meanwhile, Clara covers school, food, clothing, and medicines alone. Because, although the pension is called “alimony”, the idea is that it is enough for everything else that a growing child may require. He appears every now and then with vague promises and the occasional Christmas gift. She, on the other hand, can never disappear. And meanwhile, children eat, grow, get sick, need…

This scene is no exception. It is a pattern that is repeated in thousands of Latin American homes. What begins as a marital disagreement ends up being a structural abandonment of parental responsibilities. And the cost is paid by women… and especially children.

Figures of shame

In recent years, the figure of the food debtor has begun to gain more visibility in the region. Countries like Paraguay, Mexico, Chile and Colombia have created public registries of people who owe child support for three consecutive months or more.

In Paraguay there are more than 10 thousand people registered in the Registry of Delinquent Food Debtors (REDAM). In Chile, only in the Metropolitan Region, more than 82 thousand parents appear as debtors. In Mexico, in the state of Guanajuato, About 9 complaints are opened a day for non-compliance with family assistanceleading national cases on the matter. In Argentina 68 percent of non-cohabiting male parents fail to fulfill their parental responsibility. These are figures that should alarm more than they do now.

Beneath this data there is a complex network of causes that allow and even normalize this non-compliance. One of them is the high labor informality in the region. Many of these parents work on their own, without contracts or a fixed income, which complicates direct garnishments or withholdings.

However, the problem goes beyond the economic, which is used as a common excuse for not complying with parental obligations. The backdrop is a culture that still excuses men who ignore their responsibilities. They are allowed to disappear from the emotional and economic system without real consequences.

On the other hand, women who cannot support their children alone are judged for “not knowing how to choose,” for “depending,” for “complaining.” The social sanction is disproportionate. This is not to mention the use of delayed payment of alimony as part of a control scheme over the ex-partner, which turns such an act into vicarious violence.

In most Latin American countries there are laws that in theory allow accounts to be seized, restrict licenses or even prevent debtors from leaving the country, but they are not always effectively enforced. In practice, judicial processes are slow, expensive, and cumbersome. Women must file papers, wait for hearings, endure delay. Many give up not for lack of reason, but because of exhaustion. The majority do not report or do not have access to legal advice. In addition, there is stigma, shame, threats, fear of retaliation, and a culture that minimizes non-compliance with food obligations.

But the duty to provide food and care for children should not just be a legal obligation. Beyond that, it is an ethical and social duty and a basic measure of justice.

Stopping paying pension is violence, and we are normalizing it

Food quotas They are a question of human rights and public policies. A minor who lacks food, medicine or education because his father does not comply is a victim of abandonment by a structure that leaves him unprotected. And, consequently, that lesser part with disadvantages in life.

In Latin America, food non-compliance represents a structural failure that affects the daily lives of thousands of families. For this reason, feminists understand non-payment of child support as a form of economic violence, since it falls disproportionately on women, who are usually the main caregivers and who are granted parental authority over their offspring. Without a doubt, feminist struggles have been key to making the phenomenon of economic exploitation visible as a form of sexist violence, not as a simple conflict between ex-partners.

The way to stop parental abandonment

We need more efficient, updated, visible, and easy-to-consult debtor records. It is necessary to expedite judicial procedures to issue support orders, wage or property seizures, tax withholding and other administrative sanctions that really affect the debtor, such as limitations on contracting with the State, obtaining licenses, leaving the country or participating in public benefits.

But also, and above all, we need to make this enormous patriarchal irresponsibility visible through educational campaigns so that this does not go unpunished. We need to work to achieve a profound cultural change so that the exercise of parenthood cannot be optional and social permissiveness towards those who fail to comply ceases.

Today there are public campaigns that expose food debtors, such as feminist patrols and the clotheslines in Mexico, as well as legislative initiatives that seek more severe sanctions, from the seizure of assets to disqualification from holding public office.

In social networks, movements like #FoodDebtors They have generated social pressure, leading many men to comply for fear of escrache or loss of reputation. These strategies have amplified the debate, demonstrating that when there is political will and citizen pressure, paternal abandonment is no longer invisible and begins to have consequences.

As a society, we have to stop romanticizing the image of the “luchona mother” and encourage them to be able to do everything, because many times it is not that they can, it is that they have no alternative. What we need is justice, not resilience.

Clara’s story should not be repeated so many times in so many homes in the region. If the State, society and the parents themselves did their part, she could be freed from the uncertainty that accompanies each unpaid month. If we truly believe in equality, in justice, and in the well-being of children and mothers, we have to stop tolerating this cruel abandonment hidden with patriarchal complicity, which not only makes a pact of silence that does not condemn the abandoner, but turns its face away and even excuses him, leaving millions of women with sons and daughters to their fate.