My girlfriend says she’s in Witness Protection due to a bombshell past

When does a traumatic past stop sounding tragic and start to sound made up? 

That’s what this week’s reader is trying to figure out. His girlfriend has told him stories of abuse, cancer, living under a fake name, and even claimed to be homeless at one point. 

It seems like every week there’s a new drama. His friends are urging him to face the fact that her tales might not be true. But he’s clinging onto the hope that she’s an honest person. 

Read the advice below, but before you go, make sure to read last week’s dilemma, where a reader found out her husband is cheating – despite her doing everything for him.

The problem: 

For the last 16 months I’ve been ‘seeing’ a gorgeous girl I’m really keen on, who lives the other end of the country. We met when she was in my town on business and immediately hit it off. 

We message and facetime frequently, but our relationship is mostly on-line. This has been complicated by the fact that she has regular cancer treatment, so is often not available to talk to me or see me, as her treatment is tiring and debilitating. 

Bit by bit she has told me her backstory, which is horrific – if it’s true. She told me she was abused by a paedophile ring as a child, with the full cooperation of her mother. She has since testified against the perpetrators and as a result of that, she’s in the Witness Protection Programme, which means she can only tell me her ‘new’ name, not her real birth name. 

She also told me she has a young son but he’s had to go into care, because she ended up living in her car when a previous boyfriend kicked her out (he was cheating) and that her son has been abused in the care home. She also told me that his best friend had died by suicide. I could go on.

It feels like every time I talk to her there’s another drama. She has stressed multiple times that everything she tells me is confidential, but I’ve confided in a few friends who think it’s all fantasy nonsense. 

So far, she hasn’t asked me for any money, and I really want to believe that she’s a truthful and honest person. It’s just the regularity of the bad news that has me asking questions. 

The advice: 

I’ve had to edit your email as it was so long and full of your girlfriend’s breathtaking stories, it would have taken up at least three of my columns in its full form. 

I hate to be cynical, but the sheer volume of terrible things that have befallen this woman leave me in no doubt that your friends are right with their description of ‘fantasy nonsense’.  

Let’s just examine a couple of things she’s told you, beginning with the fact that she’s supposedly in the Witness Protection Programme – and yet has willingly shared this highly confidential information. Does that ring true to you? By the way, in this country it’s referred to as the UK Protected Persons Service (UKPPS), so I wonder whether she’s just been watching too many American detective films.  

Then there’s the story about her living in her car, while she supposedly has cancer. There is so much support for cancer sufferers in this country, I find this tale impossible to believe. Anyway, where were her UKPPS support workers in her hour of need?  

Fantasists like this are rare and you’ve been unlucky, but you’ve been gullible too. Maybe you are so desperate for commitment that you’ve slightly lost sight of common sense.  

You say she hasn’t asked you for money, but she might eventually; on the other hand, it may just be about power, and the ‘fun’ of manipulating your emotions. 

My advice is to end things with her and look for a real relationship with someone who lives closer.  

Adopt a more sceptical approach next time you hear wild stories, and listen to your friends. They have your best interests at heart. 

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

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