My parents were devastated when I split from my ex — my new love will shock them

Going through a break-up is heart wrenching, but there’s always that glimmer of hope that one day, you might find your person.

This week’s reader has finally find love again, but it’s not quite with who she expected. After dating men for 20 years, she’s fallen for a woman.

While she wants a future with her new girlfriend, she’s worried about coming out to her parents, and feels she’ll be dissapointing them.

Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to read last week’s Sex Column, about a young guy who walked in on his older brother filming a porno. Awkward.

The problem:

I have recently fallen madly in love for the first time in years.

I’m a 34-year-old woman and thought I was never going to find true love, so I ought to be really happy, right?

Well, unfortunately I’m not as happy as I should be, because the person I’m in love with is another woman. Although I know it shouldn’t, it still sits a little bit uncomfortably with me.

Don’t get me wrong, none of my friends care and in fact, they’re all really happy for me. It’s just that I’ve had boyfriends for the last 20 years so I know it will come as a real shock to my parents.

I’m an only child and they are desperate to be grandparents — which I know I can still achieve, but it won’t be as my mum and dad will have hoped.

My last relationship lasted over six years, and everyone thought we would marry. Unfortunately, my boyfriend took a job in the USA and although I was meant to join him, the separation made us both re-evaluate and we decided we didn’t want to spend our lives together.

My parents were absolutely devastated when we split up, as they were so fond of him.

My girlfriend and I don’t live with each other yet, but we have spoken about buying a place together and setting up home. It’s something that would mean a lot to both of us.

I know my parents are quietly panicking — especially my mum — wanting me to settle down and get married ASAP.

How can I tell them their only child hasn’t turned out the way they wanted?

The advice:

It’s understandable you might feel worried about coming out to your parents – especially if you’ve had a long heterosexual history. But I’m willing to bet that it won’t be nearly as bad as you fear.

Your parents love you for the person you are, and above everything else, they will just want you to be happy.

Yes, the fact that you’ve found love with someone of your own sex might come as a shock to begin with, but that’s just human nature when you’ve always had boyfriends in the past.

There are lots of tips online for different ways to come out and I’ll leave you to decide which works best for you.

But don’t keep putting it off – the sooner they know, the sooner they can adjust to your new situation.

Leave it to them to tell all the other relatives and family friends. Talking it over with other people will help them process everything, and I doubt if a single person will be anything other than happy for you. Yes, it might take a while to sink in, but every surprise announcement becomes an old story in time.

In the event that your parents don’t take the conversation well, I think you should seek out a good therapist. Talking to a professional will help you unravel your complex feelings. But their reaction shouldn’t be what stops you from living a happy, authentic life with your new girlfriend.

And as you say, it’s perfectly possible for same sex couples to have children now, and there is no reason why they shouldn’t be the grandparents they’ve always wanted to be.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

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