Cinema has taught us many things: aliens are real, New York apartments are massive, and men and women can’t be ‘just friends’.
Right now, the biggest show on Amazon Prime Video’s is The Summer I Turned Pretty, which tells the story of 20-something Belly, and her struggle to choose between impossibly handsome brothers Conrad and Jeremiah.
She’s known both boys since forever — they’re her ‘best friends’ or ‘brothers’. And yet, of course, it never stays that way.
But in real life, my friendships with men look a lot like… well, friendship. In fact, two of my best friends are guys.
Mixed-gender friendships always raise eyebrows: enjoy it too much and no one believes you’re just mates, defend it too loudly and you ‘doth protest too much.’ And yes, I’ve been called a ‘pick me’.
But the simple reality is, we make each other’s lives lighter, safer, and more fun. Isn’t that the point?
The trio
I met Emre and Jayden back in sixth form. My closest friends had always been girls, but we bonded over games of Spit at the pub, and these two bulldozed their way into my inner circle.
I’ve got some incredible women in my life, and let’s be real, no man can ever replace the power of girlhood. But the boys? They balance me out and complete the ecosystem.
From the beginning it was clear — we were friends, full stop. Romance has never entered the picture and before you ask, yes, they’re both straight.
In 2022, Emre and I survived six weeks travelling across Europe together. My parents weren’t worried about me going away with a guy. My house was his – and then Jayden’s – as much as it was mine, so the boys are no strangers to my family. Neither my parents, nor my friends, ever raised any questions.
Our first holiday as a trio was July 2024. A ‘wouldn’t you love to catch some sun this summer’ text quickly morphed into a ‘lads on tour’ group chat and an EasyJet confirmation email.
A whirlwind week in Corfu began with a 7am pint at Gatwick and ended with drunken chases down cobbled streets, tragically bad white wine, and passing out on the kitchen floor.
Jayden’s the responsible one — keys and passports are always safe with him. Emre’s the joker (and an actual paramedic), keeping us entertained and hydrated.
But our friendship is largely made up of those little moments. They’re well-versed in the ‘help, I’m having a breakdown’ text and always turn up with the cure: a pub lunch, bad jokes, or getting cosy on the sofa with Gilmore Girls (we’re team Jess, by the way).
I wouldn’t hesitate to introduce them to a future partner. They’re no threat – although they are fiercely protective. They’ve patched me back together after some rough breakups, so they’d probably give a partner a hard time.
But honestly, if you can handle two guys whose favourite hobby is roasting me, you might just be the one.
The ‘rules’ we follow
We’re not blind to the fact that our dynamic could be surprising to some. So, if one of us gets into a relationship, the other two naturally take a step back. I know what you’re thinking: ‘If you’re just friends, why does it matter?’
But every couple needs time to really understand one another, and the people close to them. I’d want to give Emre or Jayden’s new girlfriend time to get to know him – and me – and realise there’s no need for suspicion. And besides, I have more interest in counting the holes in a colander that I do in either of those boys.
Secondly, we’ve developed a communication style that’s based on honesty.
Jayden says: ‘Our dynamic is different to pure male friendships in some ways. The usual male bravado fades when we’re together — after everything we’ve been through, there’s really no room for ego.’
And for me, they offer unfiltered advice, often telling me what I don’t want to hear, and insight I think I could only get from men. They help me see the male perspective, and I give them a space to be a little softer.
And last, but by no means least, we’re never searching for something more. We’ve never had chats about boundaries, but it’s more of an unspoken rule.
Jayden adds, ‘We’ve always been on the same page about what our friendship is and what we expect and need from each other, so we never go looking for anything more.
‘Emre and Saffron bring me happiness and bring me to a good place. When I look for romance it’s adding on top of that instead of compensating for a lack thereof.’
Oh, and ladies, if you’re going to be mates with guys, it’s crucial you develop selective hearing. During that week-long trip to Corfu I was ‘gifted’ the name ‘witch’ — a moniker that was used loudly in public, by the pair of them, like Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
The expert view
Annabelle Knight, sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney and qualified couples counsellor, tells Metro that platonic male/female friendships are ‘incredibly valuable’.
‘They give us balance, fresh perspectives and support without the pressures of romance, proving that intimacy doesn’t always have to be sexual or romantic,’ she says.
They also help to break down any pre-conceived ideas one gender may have of the other. ‘They challenge stereotypes,’ adds Annabelle. ‘They show us that relationships don’t have to fit into neat boxes like ‘romantic’ or ‘sexual’ – they can simply be about companionship, laughter and mutual respect. They help us see that men and women can form deep, respectful connections.’
According to the expert, mixed gender friendships can also be socially beneficial. A study in the Women’s Studies International forum suggests that even from schooling age, ‘students in co-educational settings demonstrate better communication skills and higher self-confidence.’
Annabelle adds: ‘Mixed-gender friendships make us better communicators.
‘In male-only friendship circles, the culture has been less focused on emotional sharing. But when women are part of the group, men may feel more comfortable opening up, which helps normalise vulnerability and builds stronger bonds.’
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
