Do not assume you’ll receive the same money as siblings in your parents’ will. And if your partner has children from a previous relationship, buckle in for a bumpy ride.
Those are the key warnings from Sam Grice, founder of Octopus Legacy, who’s dished the dirt on the most explosive family feuds he’s witnessed after a client’s death.
He tells Metro some of the most common inheritance conflicts can be avoided with a little planning. So, get ready to talk about death.
What is a will, and why are they important?
First things first, each person’s will is unique to their situation. Typically, it specifies how an individual’s property, money, other assets and possessions should be divided among beneficiaries. Bear in mind, ‘beneficiaries’ doesn’t always mean family members or children. They could be charities or organisations.
If a deceased has minor children (those under 18), a will can also name a guardian to care for them.
In order for a will to be valid, it needs to be signed by the testator (the person who makes the will) in the presence of witnesses. Beneficiaries, spouses or civil partners are exempt. It also needs to meet legal requirements, including being a voluntary act, and the testator being of legal age.
While dying with a will can still cause issues (as you’ll later find out), not having one in place can lead to legal complexities. Plus, likely disputes about who should inherit your estate.
‘Communication before the person dies is so important,’ stresses Grice. ‘We always encourage the people writing their will to discuss its contents with the beneficiaries while they’re still alive.’
What are some of the most common conflicts?
Below are three situations that Grice sees time and time again in his line of work. Unfortunately, he says it’s often unintentional mistakes that cause huge fallouts.
Blended families
Unmarried partners, usually a second relationship after a marriage, can spark family rows. Typically, only if they were residing in the partner’s home, and it wasn’t under joint ownership.
Grice explains: ‘What can often happen is that someone writing their will will gift their property to their children.’ Legally, this means that the deceased partner would have to leave, as it’s now in the ownership of the beneficiaries. Aka the kids.
Granted, in normal circumstances, we like to think that people aren’t that harsh that they’d boot a grieving partner out of their own home. They’d at least give them some time to find somewhere else to live, before putting the house on the market.
However, Grice says that sometimes, the deceased’s children and the second partners may not have the best relationship. Whether the animosity is due to them being the reason their parents split up or just not clicking in general, it can lead to ‘heated debates.’
There are ways of avoiding this unintentional mistake, says Grice. ‘As a solicitor, we’d recommend the testator set up certain types of trusts that allow the partner to live in the home while they’re still alive.
‘We see this a lot with ageing couples,’ he explains, adding: ‘We’ve had a situation where that partner hasn’t left the home, which led to an escalation of events that got quite messy.’
Not explaining the wishes in advance
‘Due to a lack of communication before a death, people often don’t explain their will in advance,’ says Grice. Meaning, the testator won’t sit down with the beneficiaries and read it, leaving them unaware of its contents until it’s too late.
‘The reading of the will is sometimes the first time people receive its information,’ he notes.
Cue potential family secrets causing chaos: ‘We often see people listed in the will that others didn’t know about. For example, an affair, or a second relationship that wasn’t disclosed to the person’s family while they were alive. But, have received a gift or some money in the will.’
‘Not explaining wishes in advance – even though there are some things that should be discussed before a death – can cause so many problems.’
Grice knows of people that were expecting to receive the entirety of an estate only receiving a little bit of inheritance. Imagine the shock of finding out that your mother or father had left some of their cash to someone you didn’t even know existed…
Sibling rivalry
Sadly, this is the most common form of inheritance drama. According to Grice, it can present itself in multiple ways. Firstly, it could be that children aren’t gifted the same amount in the will.
‘There’s an assumption that all children will get an equal share of the estate,’ explains Grice. ‘But what can often happen in life is that parents will start to gift things to each child before they die.’ In the parents’ minds, Grice says they then try to balance that out in the will.
For example, if one child was gifted an expensive holiday overseas because they couldn’t afford it, the other child may receive the vacation amount in the will, alongside whatever else they’ve been left. But, this may not be disclosed to the children before the death, which can cause sibling conflict.
‘Another one involves the executor,’ says Grice. This is the person named by the deceased to manage the will according to its instructions. The executor will do most of the work and will usually be either the oldest child or the one who is better with money, according to Grice.
‘But it doesn’t always go to plan,’ he says, explaining that an executor can make decisions that the other siblings don’t agree with, or feel left out of.
‘If you had two children, and there was a disagreement between the beneficiaries, then the executor is the one who can ultimately make decisions, and that can lead to conflict,’ he says.
Grice notes that these rows normally revolve around sentimental items, like engagement or wedding rings. ‘Unless it’s listed in the person’s will, executors can get involved,’ he adds.
Grice concludes: ‘Even though they’re not legally allowed, we often see the partners of the children get quite opinionated through the process as well, and that can cause sibling arguments.’
Bottom line? Get that will sorted, people.