As soon as I wake up at 7am, I start mentally listing what I’m grateful for and setting my intentions for the day.
As soon as I wake up at 7am, I mentally run through three things I’m grateful for. This is often something small and immediate, like the fact the kids have slept in past 6am, a cuddle with my cat, or a project I’m excited about.
Then, I set my intentions for the day. This might be a one word anchor, a single word that captures how I want to ‘be’ today, a reminder to approach a challenge with curiosity rather than stress, or a clear top priority I want to move forward.
After that, I do some stretches before jumping in the shower.
I don’t allow myself to scroll my phone until at least half an hour after I’ve got up.
I do this routine every single day. It’s sustainable, flexible, takes minutes, and leaves me feeling calm and prepared for the day ahead. Or at least until the chaos of the school run starts!
However, a quick scroll on social media will tell you that my routine is far from the norm. In fact, some of what I see feels quite extreme.
Take US influencer Ashton Hall for example. He went viral in April for his five-hour long morning routine.
His day, as shown, begins at 3:50am. He removes his mouth tape, does press-ups, journals, dunks his face in ice water (with lemon), has a steam, exercises, uses a banana skin for a some kind of facial and all before starting work at 9.30am.
While a large number of reactions from his followers seemed pretty positive, with comments like ‘obsessed’ and ‘loving this routine’, I was exhausted just watching. It instantly set off alarm bells about the pressure this puts on people to match a completely unrealistic standard.
Occasionally I saw comments along the lines of ‘how do you have time for this’ but negative comments like this were often shot down by other followers, indicating a pressure to conform and a creeping culture of toxic productivity.
Ashton’s routine is just a drop in the ocean.
On Instagram, the hashtag #selfcare has 96.3million posts alone and #selfimprovement has 11million.
That’s hardly surprising when my whole feed seems endlessly exposed to a multitude of perfectly-lit videos extolling the virtues of (to name a few) light therapy, cold water exposure, meditation, journalling, oil pulling, tongue scraping, yoga and matcha lattes.
But, let’s be clear, self-improvement schedules that take three hours or more are not self-care – they’re more like performances than genuine wellbeing. And the ferocity with which this industry is growing has left me with a gnawing concern.
If we’re not careful, we risk fostering a sense of inadequacy. A belief that, because our approach to taking care of ourselves is not as ‘perfectly’ curated as others, we are simply not good enough.
This is the darker side to self-improvement culture, and it’s one we must stamp out.
While the concept of self-care isn’t new, the way we talk about it today has changed dramatically. What began as a deeply human response has since become a $6.3trillion (approximately £4.5trillion) industry, as of the end of 2023 – with social media playing a central role.
Wellness influencers portray curated, aesthetic routines as essential for happiness, creating a warped version of what ‘good self-care’ looks like.
Who can forget the self-improvement trend that seemingly had a chokehold on everyone during the pandemic? How many were posting, and continue to post, about learning new languages, starting businesses, getting fit, and documenting their ‘glow-ups’ online? And how many people were made to feel bad because of their lack of self-improvement?
As a psychologist, I’m no stranger to the value of personal development, it’s a large part of my work and I help clients with everything from leadership mindset to what I call foundational self-care, including sleep habits.
But when self-care becomes another item on the to-do list, another performance to perfect, or another standard to measure yourself against, it can spiral into toxic productivity. And what should be about mental health maintenance becomes another form of achievement culture.
It’s also important to remember that, while we may be constantly bombarded with images of other people’s seemingly perfect lives – immaculate meal prep, serene meditation and gratitude journals – what we don’t see are the outtakes, or the financial and time costs of maintaining these elaborate lifestyles.
The reality is, real self-care is often boring, unglamorous, and completely unworthy of documentation.
Warning Signs You’re Taking On Too Much
- You feel guilty when resting or not ‘doing something productive’
- You judge yourself harshly if you’re not improving quickly or consistently
- You’re overwhelmed by your own expectations, not inspired by them
- You view self-improvement as an obligation, not a choice
- Your self-talk is more inner critic than an inner coach
- You can’t remember the last time you just enjoyed being yourself, without needing to change
In fact, the most effective self-care practices are usually the simplest ones: regular sleep, gentle movement, connecting with others, and nourishing our bodies.
After years of insomnia, I now have an evening routine that works: low lighting to help wind down, no screens for at least half an hour before sleep, a few minutes journaling, gentle breathwork, and the same bedtime each night (where possible).
And of course I have my morning practice that sets me up for the day. But I’m definitely not in the 5am club – and there’s nothing wrong with that.
If you feel anxious when you can’t complete your routine, spend more time planning and tracking your improvement than actually experiencing benefits from it, or find that your self-care practices are creating more stress than they relieve, it’s a key warning sign that something has gone wrong.
True self-improvement isn’t about becoming a different person, it’s about becoming more yourself, without the pressure to document every step of the journey or purchase your way to wellness.
I think we all just need to remember that we’re all a work in progress and we can, and will, continue to grow and develop throughout our lives.
You don’t need to get up at 5am to be productive, but if it works for you then great. You don’t need to keep up with every trend or challenge that appears on social media, in order to look after yourself. You just need to pay attention to your own individual needs and your foundational self-care: sleep, nutrition, movement and connection.
I’m not saying we need to abandon self-improvement entirely, but we do need to return it to its original purpose. And perhaps the most radical act of self-care we can all do is simply believing we are enough, exactly as we are, right now.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
Share your views in the comments below.
