Sex talk on first dates is fine – if you follow these rules

‘Ah, so you’re a filthy girl,’ my date said with a suggestive smile.

As Leonard* uttered these words, I almost spat my drink out.

We had been on a first date in a busy pub for about half an hour and I already knew there would not be a second one.

My date – who had previously seemed so sweet – had taken me discussing my journalistic work on the topic of sex as some sort of invitation to be a creep, trying to use it as a way to seduce me (which really didn’t work).

I stuck around a little longer but there was no point.

Leonard just kept making salacious comments, despite my awkward face silently begging him to stop.

I was reminded of this off-putting experience from around five years ago earlier this week as I watched poor Donna Preston sit through a car crash date with hydraulics engineer Damian on Celebs Go Dating.

I cringed as Damian talked about how he was ‘quite good at giving things a good service’ and clumsily mentioned Donna’s ‘big pussy’ – in reference to her cat, Mr Biggs.

When he threw in the words ‘front bum’, I almost threw up. (Gentlemen, it’s called a vagina.) 

But what I find most interesting about this disastrous date is the reaction that followed.

Some bizarrely slammed Donna as well as Damian – presumably because she initially asked her date about his sex life – and seemed to think that talking about sex on a first date is somehow inappropriate.

The prevailing opinion seemed to be that talking about sex on a first date is somehow inappropriate.

While I agree that Damian’s approach was stomach-churning and frankly a bit rude, I wholeheartedly disagree with the sentiment that sex should be a no-go topic.

If you do a first date right, you can talk about pretty much anything: Sex included.

A few years ago, I went out for drinks with someone called Joey*.

He was funny and charming, and within an hour, we were discussing his porn preferences.

Sure, we threw in a bit of cheeky banter – but it was clear that Joey wasn’t trying to use this as a way to get in my pants.

He didn’t reference my vagina or even hint about us having sex – instead, he asked questions and gauged my response.

We had a brilliant night that ended with a passionate kiss, and we dated for a few months.

I don’t set out to discuss sex on dates. I’m just not opposed to it.

I’m as likely to talk about politics, entertainment, or how I grew up next to a farm and have a love for goats.

But I must say, if, on a date, you want to talk only about sex, I’m out. 

And you must understand that a woman can enjoy sex and might be happy to flirt or tell you about her sexual experiences – but this is not an automatic one-way ticket to her bed on the first date.

Victor and I dated several years ago. He is one of the kindest men I’ve ever met and we are still good friends. We spent a large chunk of our first date throwing juicy innuendos at each other, but it was all for a laugh.

Another ex of mine and I got so worked up because of our conversation that we actually ended up having sex on the first date and kept seeing each other for nearly a year.

In both situations, I was treated with the utmost respect by these men while talking about sex; and in my humble opinion, there is nothing hotter than this.

But it’s important to always respect boundaries, observe your date’s body language and don’t overdo it.

It’s one thing to briefly discuss sex; it’s quite another to share your entire sexual history or divulge graphic detail – especially on TV, where one of you is blindfolded.

I’m not here to shame anyone’s choices and I actually think it’s amazing when someone is open and proud about their sex life.

Do you think we should talk about sex on a first date? Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

But we should all accept that not everyone is on the same wavelength and never assume that talking about sex equals having it.

If you ever feel uncomfortable by a date’s behaviour: Call them out on it – or leave.

I haven’t always done this myself when I was younger, including on my date with Leonard, but now I wouldn’t hesitate.

Read the room and your date, and go from there.

But men, please – whatever you do – never refer to a woman’s genitals as a ‘front bum’. Whatever the circumstances. 

*Names have been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

Do you think we should talk about sex on a first date? Have your say in the comments below