As Glastonbury 2025 is officially underway, let’s talk about eight types of people you are guaranteed to bump into if you are one of the lucky few who managed to secure a ticket.
If you see yourself in any of these…no you didn’t.
1. The TikTok baddie
@angelbryantt ahh so excited, who’s going!? #glastonbury #glastonburyfestival #festivaloutfits #haul ♬ original sound – angel
She has packed four outfits per day, all coordinated, all serving. You secretly hope that one day you’ll be as organised as her. Before you’ve managed to set up your tent, she’s already posted two selfies on her Instagram Story, and is already scouting her next photo op.
2. The techno bro
This interesting specimen can be identified from his black tank top and wraparound sunglasses, which he wears at all times, even at night. You’ve never seen him in his tent, and you aren’t even sure if he owns one. He survives on Red Bull and vibes only, and continuously talks about the “underground tech set” he saw in Berlin.
Where he sleeps will continue to remain a mystery.
3. The posh tent crew
Image via Pop-Up Hotel
They have a bell tent complete with fairy lights, memory foam mattresses, and somehow actual electricity? Everyone in this tent looks like they’ve showered every day. We don’t know how, but respect.
They say “Glasto” like it’s a family friend, and continuously name-drop the guy they know who’s DJing the Greenpeace stage.
4. The guy with the guitar
His main personality trait is his guitar. He doesn’t have a ticket but somehow got in, and hasn’t paid for a drink all weekend. You’ve seen him playing Wonderwall every night at 2am, much to everyone’s dismay. Claims he was almost booked for the BBC Introducing stage (sure).
5. The group mum
via SWNS
This Glastonbury 2025 stereotype can’t be lived without! She won’t be caught without her bum bag full of plasters, paracetamol and baby wipes. She’s asked you at least three times if you’ve “drank any water?” today, and knows exactly where the tent is at all times.
Everyone mocks a little, but we all know we’d be lost without her.
6. The day drinker who peaked too soon
This “hardcore” raver assures you he can stomach his drink, yet you’ve found him passed out by 2pm. He missed half his sets because he was asleep in the Healing Fields. You’re sure he’ll rally eventually…but only after some serious sobering up in a portaloo.
7. The ‘underground indie’ revivalist
They still think it’s 2009, and insist on wearing black skinny jeans despite the 30°C weather. Can be identified by their black smudged eyeliner, and the cigarette permanently attached to their hand. Complains that this year’s lineup is “too mainstream”.
8. The friend who loses the group constantly
via SWNS
Our final Glastonbury 2025 stereotype.
This friend has had their phone on three per cent since Friday, and had last been seen crowd-surfing during Kaiser Chiefs. Fortunately, they joined a random group for half the day and became a legend in their tent, only to return 12 hours later like nothing had happened.
Consider this your unofficial Glastonbury bingo card, they’re out there somewhere!
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