Wedding etiquette starts long before the big day — and even if you’re the perfect guest while you’re there, the damage may already have been done.
Although RSVPs have long been standard practice, it’s a task many ignore, often assuming the couple already know they’re coming or thinking an in-person ‘I’ll be there’ is sufficient. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
On one of the countless Reddit threads on the topic – from a bride-to-be driven ‘nuts’ by unresponsive loved ones – a number of others shared her frustration.
‘I had the same struggle, and I can honestly say, it was the hardest part of my wedding planning process,’ commented Potato_Direwolf, while jkor2 wrote: ‘One of our closest friends who’s a groomsman still hasn’t RSVPed to our wedding and the due date is in one week. It’s driving me insane.’
Another, ComfortableSpare6393 called the behaviour ‘staggering’, adding: ‘People don’t stop to think about how their failure to tap out a 30-second reply is massively inconvenient.’
The odd misplaced invite is to be expected, but the sheer volume of nearlyweds left in the dark suggests people need a refresher on the protocol.
That’s not the only RSVP gaffe that’ll get you the label of persona non grata at a wedding either.
An estimated 10% to 20% of those who say they’ll be attending a wedding don’t actually show up, and it’s surprisingly common for people to bring uninvited plus ones too.
Etiquette expert Jo Hayes says they’re both nuptial no-nos, commenting: ‘Couples spend a lot of time curating their guest list to ensure they hit the right balance with regard to guest numbers and financial constraints.
‘Brazenly assuming one can bring a plus one, without that plus-one being specifically invited is disrespectful, and dare I say, supremely entitled.’
This may seem obvious, but here we are: if you’re unsure about whether you can bring someone, you should always check with the couple.
According to Jo, it’s also inappropriate to ask for a plus one unless they’re a relative or serious, long-term partner.
‘A new boyfriend of four weeks usually won’t cut it,’ she adds.
Wedding guest RSVP rules explained
- Respond as soon as possible — at the very least ahead of the deadline given on the invite
- Follow the hosts’ instructions and use the RSVP method they’ve requested
- Don’t add uninvited plus ones – stick to the people named on the invitation – and when the day comes, don’t bring anyone else along (including kids)
- Respond even if you can’t attend
- Make sure to add all information the couple needs to know, such as menu selections, dietary requirements or whether you want to be included in group transport being laid on
- If your plans change after you’ve RSVPed, let the couple know as soon as you can
Everything from the table plan to the catering hinges on your timely and correct RSVP, with no-shows or unexpected guests putting the whole lot out of joint.
For example, you may think it’s fine to tell them you’re coming in person or send a quick WhatsApp when the hosts have specifically asked for you to use their wedding website. However, couples normally have dozens of guests to coordinate, so if each person responds on a separate platform, it’s an organisational nightmare — and that’s before they have to chase everyone for dietary requirements.
We get it, attending a wedding can be expensive and time-consuming. But planning one is even more so, and your courtesy can make a big difference to the already stressed couple.
More wedding faux pas to avoid
Aside from the obvious – don’t turn up late or heckle the speeches, for example – there are a few blunders wedding guests make time and time again.
Blending in with the wedding party
While we all know no one but the bride should wear a white dress, pastel and cream shades are also in the danger zone. Essentially, always err on the side of caution, especially as colours can appear different under certain lighting or in photos.
‘A woman appearing in long, all-white or very pale gown is erring far too close to the bride’s outfit, and could potentially look like they’re trying to steal the spotlight,’ says Jo.
Nicola Barker, head of buying at Suit Direct also recommends finding out the wedding’s colour scheme, as ‘it’s thoughtful to avoid matching the bridesmaids or groomsmen.’
When it comes to men specifically, she says: ‘Unless the invitation specifically calls for it, steer clear of white dinner jackets, statement tuxedos, or anything that might read as “main character energy.” These standout styles are typically reserved for the groom and his groomsmen.’
Steer clear of floral accessories like boutonnieres too, which ‘show personality without stepping on the groom’s toes’.
Not checking the dress code
Whether you like it or not, a dress code on an invitation isn’t to be negotiated with or interpreted in your own way.
‘The golden rule is simple – dress for the occasion the couple planned,’ explains Nicola. ‘And never assume “casual” means jeans and a pair of trainers. Even at a laid-back venue, it’s still a special event, so I’d always advise to dress slightly up rather than down.’
Overindulging at the bar
This may be controversial, since some see flowing alcohol as an integral part of a wedding. However, all that excitement can lead people to go too far, start too early and miss important moments (or in some cases, ruin them altogether).
In terms of etiquette, Jo claims ‘any level of drunk is a faux pax,’ so knowing your limits is key.
‘Sure, enjoy a couple of drinks,’ she says. ‘But be respectful and responsible. As a general rule, I would discourage people from drinking before the ceremony.’
Additionally, if it’s an open bar, try to stay mindful of the fact the couple are picking up the tab — guests going mad on ‘free’ shots could cost them in more ways than one.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
