When Karen Deulofeu discovered that the painless lump on her stomach – which had grown to the size of a large ball in just five months – was actually a life-threatening ovarian cyst, it was a lot to take in.
Not to mention that she would need surgery the same day to remove it.
But that wasn’t all. Karen’s consultant then suggested she should consider a full hysterectomy at the age of 25.
Knowing she might want a family one day, Karen went against the idea – so was advised that she should start trying for a baby in the next couple of years.
The warning was hard to ignore, Karen tells Metro. Especially, as by the time she hit 27, she was working as a paralegal in a law firm and in no position to become a mother.
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‘Although outwardly I was very social and climbing the career ladder, I became obsessed with my age and felt more broken as the years went on,’ she explains.
By 2017, Karen was a senior project manager in a legal technology firm, married and ready to try for a baby. However after she and her husband had trouble conceiving naturally they went for IVF treatment – which Karen, then 37, kept secret from her work colleagues.
She was worried that if anyone knew, it might jeopardise her career progression or people might assume she would be more absent and less focused.
So, Karen chose an IVF clinic near her office and tried to pick appointment times outside of work hours. ‘Although it was a forward-thinking company, it still felt like a tightrope,’ she admits.
Calling it a process of huge unknowns, Karen remembers how fertility treatment made her job ‘hard to manage’, due to the timings involved in the cycle, from key appointments and scans to egg collection and transfer.
Then there was the ongoing challenge of trying to remain ‘normal’ at work while experiencing a rollercoaster of hormones through treatment, alongside the emotional turmoil that goes hand in hand with IVF.
A workplace crisis hiding in plain sight
With around 52,500 people in the UK currently undergoing IVF, fertility experts are warning that a disconnect between employer support and employee needs is having a huge effect on the workforce – from driving talent out to impacting staff mental health.
In a recent report of over 1,000 UK-based employees and employers by Fertility Matters at Work, 38% of women said they have either left or considered leaving their job due to fertility challenges, while 87% cited mental health problems such as depression or anxiety, relating directly to treatment.
‘This is not just a private issue – it’s a workforce crisis hiding in plain sight,’ Becky Kearns from Fertility Matters at Work said in the report.
The length of time fertility treatment takes to be successful is, of course, not often straightforward and Dr Jo Perkins, a Chartered Coaching and Counselling Psychologist registered with The British Psychological Society (BPS), explains it can take its toll on even the most resilient person.
‘The path to parenthood and treatment can be a grueling journey of pain, loss, hope, excitement, waiting, disappointment, stress, worry and grief. Quite often this can be cyclical, with repeated rounds of IVF,’ she tells Metro.
Therefore, going through the experience can be especially challenging at work, where pressures may be significant and expectations for attendance and performance levels high.
‘It’s often a very isolating and lonely experience because trying to start a family is a personal matter,’ adds Dr Perkins.
Karen, now 44, said the impact on her mental health was significant. ‘It’s like constantly carry a bag of the world’s most treasured possessions which could be snatched at any moment, but no one knows,’ she explains.
When her first round of fertility treatment failed, Karen had to deal with an added emotion: grief. ‘The grief of needing IVF, of cycles not working, and the fear of not being a mother. It overtakes everything emotionally.’
‘I developed PTSD’
Anita Guru endured five unsuccessful rounds of IVF with three different employers, after being diagnosed with endometriosis at 33.
During her first few years of treatment, she was working as a learning and development manager in a large corporation. When her second round of IVF resulted in an ectopic pregnancy, Anita needed emergency surgery to remove a fallopian tube.
‘I had a lot of therapy, but after the ectopic pregnancy, I really went into a decline. I didn’t know I had developed PTSD,’ Anita, now 44, tells Metro.
She often considered leaving her job, but admits she stayed longer than she wanted as it offered her security while going through the cycles. However, Anita adds, it was a double-edged sword as it left her feeling like her career progression was being stunted.
Over three years, she accumulated about six months’ worth of sick leave related to IVF. When she was well enough to work, Anita would put on a brave face and hide any heartache, as she didn’t want colleagues to know what she’d been through.
‘I always felt guilty about having time off, so worked harder; I actually had my best performance rating during the year I had my second and third rounds of IVF,’ she remembers.
Like Karen, Anita found it difficult managing treatment at work. ‘There were times I had to inject in the toilets in the office and go to hospital appointments at lunchtime and on the way home from the office.’
After she landed a ‘dream job’ with a new employer in 2017, Anita’s anxiety reached record highs and led to intense, long panic attacks, low moods and suicidal ideation. Eventually, she was hospitalised – but as her new role was a contract, it simply wasn’t renewed and she didn’t have a job to return to.
After over a decade of juggling a corporate career with fertility treatment, in 2023 Anita decided to focus more on mental wellbeing and set up her own coach and training business. She also stopped IVF.
‘I couldn’t put myself through the mental torture and trauma of going through repeated rounds,’ she explains, adding that she’s had ‘much’ therapy ‘to work through 10-plus years of trying to become a mum, and on my purpose and value as a person because my self worth was wrapped up in becoming a mother.’
What needs to change
At present, there is no statutory right to time off in the UK for fertility appointments, and the Equality Act does not include protection for IVF. The Fertility Matters At Work report also shows that over half of employers did not have a standalone fertility treatment policy. Among those that do, 61% have it within their maternity policy, while nearly two thirds of respondents were unaware of any workplace fertility policy.
Anita explains that while some of her employers had policies in place, others didn’t – and while all were supportive, they could have allowed for more flexibility, such as working from home at key times.
‘Although we had various wellbeing initiatives, none were fertility-focused,’ she explains. ‘I recall feeling sneaky taking the time off. Educating line managers is also important to allow an empathetic and compassionate response with an enhanced understanding of the process.’
Karen adds that she felt conflicted about whether to continue advancing in her career or step back to focus on her family. ‘It was really hard to be confident about my abilities in the workplace while at the same time feeling ‘broken’ inwardly,’ she explains.
Know your rights
It’s also vital to understand legal rights in the workplace, says Anita, who now works as a coach and motivational speaker. ‘Once you’ve had an embryo transfer, you have pregnancy rights. If you tell your employer and they know you might be pregnant you’re protected by law against pregnancy discrimination for two weeks after finding out an embryo transfer was unsuccessful.’
Although Karen left the corporate world due to redundancy, she says that she had lost the passion for her career because of her fertility experience. ‘What was important to me shifted,’ she admits.
After two rounds of IVF, Karen had her son in 2018 and retrained as Specialist Fertility, Pregnancy & Postnatal Coach and started her own business to support people through fertility, pregnancy, postnatal and childlessness.
Looking back on her journey trying to balance IVF and work, she says it would be ‘amazing if employers were open to bringing in specialists to educate the wider teams on what fertility and IVF are.
‘There’s still a sense of taboo and shame about fertility that desperately needs to be lifted.’
