Something extraordinary happened yesterday.
It was a viral moment to contend with Professor Robert Kelly’s kids wandering into the room while he was in a BBC interview in 2017. And it could give Vanderpump Rules’ Scandoval a run for its money.
It all happened at a recent Coldplay concert in Boston, when a kiss-cam directed itself to a cosy-looking couple. Immediately, their stomachs dropped in horror to see their private moment projected onto the world stage, as they ducked out of the frame like criminals in CCTV footage.
‘Ooh, look at these two,’ said frontman Chris Martin, before acknowledging their dramatic reaction: ‘Alright, come on, you’re okay! Oh — what? Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy!’
It turned out the latter is apparently more likely. Online sleuths did some digging and claimed the pair were married tech company CEO Andy Byron and his HR chief Kristin Cabot.
It will go down in history as a meme-able viral moment.
Don’t get me wrong, I love that this has happened. I’m all for a global outbreak of schadenfreude. But as the rumour mill spins out of control about their private lives, I’m also left feeling uneasy about the power of a viral moment and the sheer global humiliation of being the subject of one.
Yes, these two people were in a public place, seemingly open about their relationship. And concerts these days always have people on their phones filming throughout, so perhaps they absolutely deserved this.
But most of the time at concerts, people on the big screen are willing participants. All lenses are directed at the stage and those who choose to be in the frame: it’s often fans who queued literally all night to be on the front rail and crave the attention of their own big screen moment. Sometimes, proposals are even made.
Enter the kiss-cam: a largely US phenomenon that’s the real-life version of some sickly TV show where women are expected to smile, giggle coyly, and have their big rom-com moment on the big screen.
Dare I say, it feels pre-Me Too to trap what is often a woman under a mountain of public pressure to comply with the expectation of a kiss.
In March, an NBA fan was caught on kiss-cam with a woman. She appeared to swerve his advances, and the internet expressed their sympathies for him. Not for the poor woman who was faced with either a forced kiss or being responsible for publicly shaming a friend.
In November there was another viral basketball game moment, when a man and woman were caught on kiss-cam. She leaned in for a kiss, but he pushed her head down to his lap. While she did laugh, it was awkward and uncomfortable to watch.
So now, because of the dreaded kiss-cam, we have two people who are being heavily criticised by the whole world for allegedly doing what roughly a quarter of all married people have also done.
There’s no excuse for cheating, if it turns out that’s what either of these suspiciously shy Coldplay fans has done. But there are things which explain it, that the internet’s lack of nuance does not cater for.
Like when a Taylor Swift fan was in floods of tears reacting to the song Exile, and the whole online world ripped her to shreds over it. We don’t know what in her life has happened which triggered this response, and yet we are resolute in our bullying.
While everyone will know the worst of these people and revel in it – perhaps for the rest of their lives – no one will care to wonder about the best of them.
I worry about their mental health, and that of their immediate family, and of course the allegedly cheated-on partners. Although the coincidental gotcha is seen as a perfect slam-dunk moment by the rest of the world, it’s embarrassing for Byron’s wife – even though it shouldn’t be.
Of course, it should be embarrassing for him, not her. It’s kind of evilly delicious just how embarrassing this is for him, if safeguarding concerns are put aside.
But we know how the world works: when a man gets caught cheating, it’s an almost joke-fuelled atmosphere, which I’ve seen in response to this scandal.
I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if the biggest cheater in this scenario was a woman. (It’s reported Kristen is divorced, while sleuths claim to have tracked down his wife.)
While there’s been outrage at the CEO, comments of course turned misogynistic against her. I’ve seen X posts calling her a ‘corporate s**t’, a ‘bitch’, and ‘f***ing whore’.
If history tells us anything, it’s that no one’s laughing when a woman is the cheater.
I love celebrity and reality TV show scandals as much as the next person, but just remember: these people aren’t some desperate influencers strutting into the Love Island villa.
They aren’t signing up for the publicity. They haven’t asked for virality or fame. Their success isn’t shaped by their celebrity. They simply went to a concert.
Yes, if it turns out either or both are cheating I’ll be the first to call them selfish. But they are also just flawed people living their lives.
Viral moments are an unnatural modern phenomenon, and leave no room for nuanced conversation or empathy.
So let’s just try and be a little sane about it, shall we?
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