Money is rarely more taboo than when put into a dating context.
Forget the uncomfortable conversation initiated by one person wanting to know what the other earns, the taboo starts right from the off: how much should you be spending on your very first date?
Heterosexual women are often reprimanded on social media for being ‘gold diggers’, while many straight men see it as their duty to take on a bill.
Wherever you stand on this gendered debate, what matters is that you’re spending a reasonable amount of money that isn’t hurting your overall finances or self-esteem.
How much to spend on the date itself
The key here is to think in percentages, rather than jumping straight to money.
Kevin Mountford, personal finance expert and co-founder of Raisin UK, tells Metro: ‘This can help you keep your finances in check and avoid overspending. As a general guideline, try to limit your total monthly “fun and leisure” spend, including dating, to around 10–15% of your take-home pay.
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‘For example, if you take home £2,500 a month, you’d have around £250–£375 to enjoy social plans, hobbies, and dating.’
As for a first date, Kevin says that spending more than 1-2% of your monthly income is likely unnecessary.
‘A coffee, a walk, or a couple of drinks is often enough to get to know someone without feeling pressured to splurge,’ he says.
If you’re seeing each other regularly, past the one month milestone, occasional dinners or activities might take up 3–5% of your income. The key is balance – dating should be enjoyable, not a financial burden.’
How much to spend on gifts
The more you see someone, the more you may choose to scale up what you’re spending, but ultimately it should always feel comfortable. If a partner is pushing you to spend more, it might say something about your compatibility.
‘Some people are more frugal, others spend more, and noticing these tendencies early can give insight into how you might manage bills and other financial responsibilities as a couple,’ Kevin adds.
He recommends talking about money early on to check you’re aligned, and in the future you might find your finances become a shared responsibility anyway.
You might want to think about love languages and red flags, too, according to Lovehoney’s relationship expert, Annabelle Knight.
‘Is gift giving one of their love languages?’, Annabelle asks.
Some people might view gift giving and spending on lavish dates a materialistic choice, while others may just enjoy expressing their interest in this way. Small scale, intimate dates can be just as meaningful as expensive ones, but it’s down to individual preference.
‘Love shouldn’t come with a financial hangover, so it’s important to consider affordability when buying gifts for a significant other.
Within the first few weeks of dating, ‘small gestures costing less than £10 and booking dates should suffice,’ Anabelle says.
Even one month into dating, ‘flowers should be enough of a gesture if someone wants to spend’, or a small “I saw this and thought of you” token,’ Annabelle says.
A year into dating, the relationship has likely developed romantically. A quick scroll through Reddit suggests spending £100 on one another is very normal, if it’s in your budget. This number might be a little higher if you’re booking an experience day or trip away that you’ll both enjoy.
‘If you’re celebrating milestones, it’s reasonable to spend more on your significant other – only if it feels financially comfortable for you,’ the expert adds.
Spending money shouldn’t be a way to buy affection, and Annabelle adds that you should be wary of this if it’s feeling too much on the receiving end.
‘Sometimes gifting too much too soon can feel uncomfortable, or like love bombing,’ she says.
‘Honest communication delivered warmly is the best way to express this. You can appreciate their intention while setting a healthy boundary, saying something like: “Thank you, that’s so thoughtful, but I’m not quite comfortable receiving something so generous so soon in our relationship.”’
Money shouldn’t buy you a relationship, but a thoughtful date – like remembering a bar they mentioned, or a bakery they wanted to try – will likely put you in someone’s good books.
