It’s October, you haven’t seen daylight since week two, and your bank account’s already six feet under. Basically, we’re all a little bit undead. The Twilight soundtrack is making its way back onto Spotify playlists, and Halloween movie marathons are being planned.
So, in honour of the spooky season, here’s which London unis your favourite vampires would study at.
UCL: Lestat de Lioncourt
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Flamboyant, seductive, and deeply convinced he’s the main character: Interview with the Vampire’s Lestat would absolutely study at UCL. He studies french literature and sighs as he claims “I read this in the original French, it’s much better.” He wears vintage silk shirts to seminars, quotes Nietzsche on nights out, and will definitely start a band called Les Immortels.
King’s College London: Dracula
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Old money. Gothic architecture. Way too pleased with its own legacy. King’s and Dracula are a match made in marble crypts. He haunts the Strand campus, insists you call him “Count”, and still believes he’s relevant because he was here before UCL existed.
Imperial: Akasha
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Queen of the Damned’s Akasha would terrorise the halls of Imperial. The queen of all vampires would study biochemistry purely to understand the science behind why everyone’s beneath her. She’s centuries ahead of the curriculum, gliding through lectures like she’s doing humanity a favour by showing up. Tutors are terrified and they eventually make her president.
LSE: Blade
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Half vampire, half machine. He’s smart, disciplined, and doesn’t have time for anyone’s nonsense. He’d do economics or law just to figure out how to dismantle the system from the inside. You’ll catch him in the library at 3am, sunglasses still on, pretending not to overhear his flatmates gossiping about him. He’s the guy who’s already secured three internships and still finds time to save the world on weekends.
SOAS: Louis de Pointe du Lac
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Interview with the Vampire’s Louis studies postcolonial theory, drinks oat milk blood, and cries during group discussions on the ethics of immortality. He has strong opinions about the vampire condition being a metaphor for capitalism, and he spends his nights journaling and staring moodily at the moon, whispering: “You and me. Me and you.”
Goldsmiths: Angel
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Angel is the brooding film student who looks like he hasn’t slept since 1897. He studies something moody like visual arts or philosophy but spends most of his time sitting outside the SU in a trench coat, journalling about redemption. Everyone thinks he’s mysterious, but really he’s just bad at replying to texts.
Royal Holloway: Edward Cullen
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Edward would fit right in at Royal Holloway – the dramatic gothic architecture, the moody forests, the endless self-reflection. He’s that English lit student who quotes Byron in tutorials and stares wistfully out of windows for no reason. He drives an old Volvo to campus like it’s a cinematic entrance every time.
UAL: Mary
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Sinners’ Mary is the vampire who never really fit in until she stopped trying to. She’d study at UAL, probably fine art, quietly creating something raw and honest while everyone else argues about “the concept”. She brings Stack along with her, of course. Together they haunt gallery openings with devotion, finally finding a place they can just exist.
Queen Mary: Count Orlok
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Nosferatu’s Orlok – awkward but oddly endearing. Queen Mary Orlok lives in a converted warehouse in Mile End and insists it’s “industrial chic”. He might be constantly lurking around graveyards, but he’s harmless. He’d probably study architecture or film theory, turning up to seminars at sunset because he believes mornings are a hate crime.
London Metropolitan: Klaus Mikaelson
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The Vampire Diaries’ Klaus is an agent of chaos with zero tolerance for any kind of nonsense. Klaus would thrive at London Met, partly because he’d kill anyone who crossed him. He’s the guy who leads every group project and starts a blood feud over it. He speaks seven languages and will throw a chair during the seminar if provoked, but he still somehow graduates with a first.
Central St Martins: Remmick
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Sinners’ Remmick would completely take over CSM. He’s charismatic, incredibly psychotic, and always looking for people who help him feel closer to his roots. He’d study fashion but turn every project into a celebration of identity and belonging. By term two he’s started a society (it’s really a cult) where everyone orbits him as he sings and shows off his Irish jig.
Featured image via Unsplash/Youtube
