When parents separate… and children are adults

Divorce is, by definition, a rupture that affects the entire family structure. And although the focus is often on minor children, it is important to recognize that adult children also suffer — albeit in a different, more silent and often invisible way.

There is a misconception that, because they have already grown up, adult children are immune to the impact of their parents’ separation. But the truth is that divorce can profoundly shake their perception of security, family identity and even the way they relate to their own emotional bonds.

What changes when parents separate?

For many adult children, their parents’ divorce represents a break in the family narrative that has accompanied them throughout their lives. The house where they grew up ceases to exist, family traditions are interrupted, and the place of “child” can be invaded by expectations of mediation or emotional support. Many adult children still feel the pressure of having to take sides for one of their parents, which naturally creates suffering.

Additionally, feelings of loss, confusion or guilt arise. Some wonder whether they should have noticed signs earlier, others feel that their own relationship model is compromised. The impact can be reflected in difficulties in their romantic relationships, in parenting or in the way they manage conflicts.

Adult children suffer too — and they need space to do so.

It is essential to validate the suffering of adult children. It’s not because they’re older that they feel less. Suffering may be more contained, but no less real. They need space to express emotions, ask questions, reconstruct their family narrative and, above all, be listened to without judgment.

How to support?

Divorce can be experienced with maturity and respect, but this requires awareness and care. Adult children are not neutral spectators—they are part of the story, and deserve to be treated as such.

Clinical and forensic psychologist, family and couples therapist